Sunday, May 08, 2011

Lack of Sparkle.

I've been DYING to write all week, and even now I am staying up later then I should to update, but its been such a busy week and I've been extra here we are days later with my head ready to explode with thoughts needing to be put on "paper".

Africa ended up spending the evening with me on Tuesday, we watched the hockey game on TV with the roomie and again he brought me all these little food gifts and gave me massages, its so cute. He was so tender and cuddly with me on the couch, it was so relaxing and nice. In the morning we went to have some sweet morning sex when he stopped and said..."Are you ok? Did I hurt you? Because there is blood everywhere..." I was supposed to get my period soon so I assumed it was that and just played it off like it wasn't a big deal and changed the sheets and tried not to be embarrassed...but my white sheets and duvet are ruined. He didn't seem to care, and even when I said "Oh wow, this has never happened before, Im sorry, I'm so embarrassed!" he said "Why? Don't be embarrassed, It's not a big deal" And after I changed the sheets he just got back snuggled into bed and I went to work. I came home and the gross sheets I'd piled on the floor were neatly folded in the corner, all of our trash was taken out, and my bed was made. It was precious. Thats when I remembered he was from AFRICA, a little blood? Are you kidding?

Add that little adventure to the vault.

On Friday night I went out with friends and after his shift finished at 2am he met up with my friends and I at Primi. We were all already tired and ready to go home so he just took me home and unveiled MORE treats he always brings me, and we snuggled in. Saturday we stayed in bed practically the ENTIRE day. It was SO nice. Slept in until like 1...he made me lunch...then we got back into bed and read/went on the computer and talked and it was pretty lovely. He had to go to work around 6p and I had to meet up with friends so we got ready together and then separated, but he asked me to visit him at work later so I did.

Ok, so things sound so wonderful and he's SO sweet and I really enjoy spending time with him but there is this weird lack of...sparkle. You know, that sparkle you get when you are first getting to know and fall for someone? I had it almost immediately with Number 2 and PAG, but either don't feel it with Africa or every time it starts to come I get rid of it because I know this isn't going to work out and I am afraid of getting hurt again. I am not sure which it is or what I want to do about it. I am going to try and spend more time with him, because I like it and he's sweet. We'll see what happens. Honestly, I think I am also really still holding onto things with PAG. I am afraid to get serious with Africa when I really still miss PAG and actually did see a future there.

And I may have just wrote him an email...

I'm the worst.

Seriously, the WORST.

More to come...



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