Failure?

Am I failure if I DO decide to just go home and stay home at Christmas? Now that I've realized I don't really have any friends here, work pretty much sucks, and my living situation will forever include a +1 boyfriend- I am starting to reconsider my choice to stay. Plus the very real issue of missing my mum and another "scan" (cue scary music) on her body in December. Of which the results could be very life altering.

I think what I love is living in a real city and not with my parents (go figure). Walking outside my door and having cafes, stores, even museums at my disposal. I can WALK 5min and be home from the bar. My apartment is beautiful. Although travel is more feasible since I'm already here in Europe, money is such a constant problem it's not like I can really partake in much anyway. And I keep thinking of moving other places but then realize I'll be even more alone there than I am here so what's the point? I know all of this "living in Europe" business sounds absolutely glamourous, and maybe it is if you're in Paris, Madrid, or Italy...but alone in eastern Europe might not be my cup of tea. And moving as an American to those other places is near impossible.

However, what keeps running through my head is "don't give up!" and I feel like if I go home to live with my parents -unemployed again- I will feel even worse. And then again, not much fun to be in Europe with tons of museums and beautiful things to do...and no one to do them with.

When I sit and try and listen to my heart she says, "YES, go home. Do it. Don't even think twice about this one. Go."

So here we are.

Gosh I wish therapist wasn't out for a MONTH on a seminar tour, I'm dying here.