Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Since You've Been Gone...

Not surprisingly, a lot has happened since I had to take a break from writing due to mum's big surprise...and due to my general busyness regarding said surprise. 

We are now ONE WEEK on the countdown until my birthday boy comes to see me for 3 glorious days!!! His flight is booked, our hotel downtown is booked, we have plans everyday, and are even bringing him around to meet the family. And thats where the drama began. We both felt like it wasn't appropriate to just hole up downtown in a hotel for 3 days and not even attempt to see the family, so I just quickly emailed and asked my mom if they'd like to have us over for dinner one of the nights so they could meet him and everything. OMG YOU'D HAVE THOUGHT HER HEAD EXPLODED. 

Now, mom has been under a lot of stress with the cancer and scan results. And understandably didn't know I was coming home for longer then 2 weeks so she felt like her precious time with me was being infringed upon. But I was NOT expecting a "while I can't condone your actions before marriage - use protection - should we look into those HPV shots for you? - it's awkward you're staying in a hotel with a man we've never met - who the hell IS this guy - watch out for those marines, they're dirty and have STDs - great, now when am I supposed to spend time with you" email back. Needless to say, I was NOT happy about it. After getting pissed off about it, I calmed down and realized it was just my mom freaking out because she doesn't know everything about my life anymore and its upsetting her. Plus, she's being overtly judgmental about me and birthday boy instead of trusting that I found a nice guy and am so happy. 

I wrote her back a nice but firm "back the fuck off" email regarding my sex life and even relationships. I said that if I want to share things with her I will, but I have my own life now and just because she doesn't know ALL about this guy doesn't mean he's bad and everyone should freak out. It all needed to be said. And I definitely felt better after having said it. 

But of course she never wrote back and has just pretended like it never happened.

Although she did ask me about him lots now that I'm here and I've told her the general story of how we met (left out the funny and sexy parts) and about him in general. It's really "fun" having my family pretty much completely dislike him because he is a marine and are planning on it not working out. I can hear it in their voices and when they talk and think I can't hear. Yesterday it even came out that he has a son and they didn't even bat an eye. I think its because they figure it's not going to work out so who cares. Unless they are rather suddenly less judgmental and idealistic about my life then I thought. I wonder if they know how difficult it is to find good guys out there these days...

Also, I can tell everyone in the family are all worried about me finding a guy to marry and have kids with. What the hell? Now that I am 26 I'm an old spinster with my eggs drying up! No man will ever want me! Oh no! What year is it 1902? I think it'll be fun when they all realize I'm having relationships with SEX and NOT getting married, oh the humanity. 

Updates on the man in my life...

I don't really know what to say about whats going on between us, besides it just being lovely and perfect as usual. If we don't talk or chat everyday, its weird, and now that I have an American number he can call me from work for free. So we talked for like 5 hours at 3a the other night (adjusting to the time change is NOT easy) while he was at work and after we hung up I was shocked at how long we'd been talking. It's just that ease you have with that person where you can just go on and on for hours about anything and everything. I love how we talk to each other too, we're both SO honest and open about everything. We can talk about sex like it isn't a big deal then switch to talking about the details of our relationship in a blink. I appreciate how open he is with expressing his feelings about me, I've never had a man express himself so openly. Number 2 was always trying to hide his feelings and PAG was always trying to ignore and not deal with them since I was leaving. Birthday Boy doesn't care about the distance, that my family has doomed us to fail, that he has a son, anything. He is all in. Even when I get nervous about things he just continues to value and pursue me because he likes me so much. 

We decided to tell the family he is my boyfriend just to make things easier. Plus, we do both want to call each other boyfriend/girlfriend...we just realize it's rather sudden and intense after not having spent SO much time together. And that was a mutual decision, not just him or just me. We are very much always on the same page. It'll be interesting to see how things go while he's here, what feelings will surface. I am just excited to spend so much time with him, do fun things together, have some amazing sex, everything will be so sweet. And if you think I'M excited you should hear him, it's pretty much the cutest thing ever. 

But in true self fashion when left alone for too long with my thoughts I begin to freak out. Do we just like each other because we were both lonely in foreign countries and valued having someone to talk to? Do I really want to sign up for a lovely man who has a precious child...with another woman who is still head over heels for him? (more on that later). And if he doesn't come to San Diego in October, how long can I really keep this long distance thing up for? Do I have to follow his military career around and then follow him to living by his child in MS in the end too? Because that sure is a lot to give up. It's almost scarier to have him be called my boyfriend because of all these questions that suddenly surface, it was easier when it was just a "we like each other and want to see what happens..."

I suppose a lot is riding on our time together next week. Everything inside of my heart tells me that everything between us and everything about him that I love make whatever will happen worth it. And my heart keeps yelling at my head to calm down and just enjoy the moment and stop stressing out. 

Tonight I am hosting my girl friends, its the first time in over a year we are all in town at the same time. If anything, their non traditional relationships always seem to make me feel better about my own. Seriously, coming to terms with saying good bye to idealism is a tough lesson. 



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