Thursday, September 15, 2011

The High Life.


Factors of Today:

"I'm sorry, I want to talk more but I have to go. Our new cook is coming over and then i have a waxing appt so im trying to get out the door. hahaha my life in that last sentence is amazing."


"We were frightened of being left alone for the rest of our lives. Only people of a certain disposition are frightened of being alone for the rest of their lives at the age of 26, and we were of that disposition."- High Fidelity 

Today I woke up to a message from my family saying my mum had to go to the emergency room because she was having sharp pains and shortness of breath. She was now staying a minimum of 24 hours there because her lung collapsed (due to another painful procedure done the day before). Mixed feelings overcame me. Such as...ok, she's going to be ok, thank God it wasn't a heart attack. And then...guilt for not being home. And such a drained feeling...I really don't have the energy or heart for this hospital stuff anymore, and I know she doesn't. And just a sad scared feeling for my momma in general. Roomie gave me a hug and reminded me it's going to be ok before she went to work. But I'm still feeling shitty about not hearing from that boy anymore too. 

Talked to myself/God for a good hour last night in my room. It helped I guess.


Then good things happened...

One of the LOVES of my life, Cammie, is coming to visit me in October for like 2 weeks! We were waiting and waiting for him to get the time off approved and I didn't want to get my hopes up unless he had a ticket. But today he got approved AND the ticket so he's coming for my October break! Hence when:  "I'm sorry, I want to talk more but I have to go. Our new cook is coming over and then i have a waxing appt so im trying to get out the door. hahaha my life in that last sentence is amazing." occurred. We were discussing our wardrobe plans, the cities we want to go to, etc. So that significantly affected my mood in a positive way. Especially since my few friends here will be working the entire time and I couldn't afford to do a huge trip AND try and afford to go home for Christmas. 


After I showed our new cleaner/cook around and got my hooha all waxed and squeaky clean, I took my work stuff with me and walked through my little old city to the French cafe I've been meaning to try. I started feeling sorry for myself as I skyped with my mum while she lays in the hospital, my phone still isn't ringing from the boy, and this stupid little black cloud won't lift...but then I looked at my reflection in the computer...and suddenly noticed how all the tourists and men are looking at me as they walk by. And realized: I'm sitting here on my pretty laptop, with my pretty phone, pretty French manicure and dress, listening to my favorite Iron & Wine songs, drinking tea and planning an epic October holiday with one of my most fabulous friends surrounded by my BEAUTIFUL little city with perfect weather. YES my mum is in the hospital, but she's going to be fine, and YES that boy is being kind of stupid and bringing up the "you're going to die alone" feelings again, and YES I need to make more friends here...but really...In this moment. How could I not be so happy?

So I'm going to order another tea...and some of the amazing looking chocolate cake from the treat window. Then go home and enjoy the soup our new cook is making us for dinner. 
And try and sit in being happy and content for awhile. 

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