Pretty Things: Beatles

How amazing are these long lost pictures of the Beatles from their U.S. tours...

source.

New Music: DeathCab for Cutie

Thank you for new music, internet. Even when I am half way across the world in middle of nowhere Bratislava, Slovakia.

New Death cab single available for listening PLUS a cute little interview afterwards...

Your welcome...

xoxo

HL

Death Cab for Cutie – “You Are a Tourist”

Pretty Things: Aviators.

Found this little gem on NPR this week.
Eleanor Roosevelts flight with the first black aviators.
And they are delicious.

xoxo

HL

And the Vibe Drama Continues.

OMG.

As if my luck couldn't get any worse already having been through 2 vibrators this year. I bought a more expensive one in the fall, well before I left. I even bought an extra little one "just in case".  Around $40 for the main one and $20 for the little "just in case" guy.

Of course now that I am half way across the world with my boyfriend on the other side of the world. The Vibe breaks AGAIN. Straight away I try and google some sex shops in my area, but the directions are all sketchy and I can't order one online because it'll get sent to the school (yeah...that'd be awkward). I found one with vague directions but decided to wait until Cassie got here so we could go together (this was a MONTH ago)...I felt weird walking around the city trying to find a sex shop alone. Even my little spare one needs new weird batteries I haven't seen around here, and even then it only works sometimes.

So Cassie left without us getting the chance to go.

But I somehow convinced new roomie to come with me.
We get there.

I find the exact same one I had before for...wait for it...140 EUROS.

Yeah. I almost cried. Not only am I pretty much broke right now, but when I just decided to go for it out of desperation, my card got rejected.

So here I am. 8 days until pay day. And I am going to pay MORE then double what I would have paid at home. I could hit one of you up to send one to me, and have it sent to my new apartment and then have to pick it up at the post office...but by the time you pay for it AND shipping it'll be about the same.

Maybe I'll see what amazon.co.uk has to offer.

Before I die.

PS Did you miss the vibe stories? I know you did!

I Love My Life...

In Bratislava.

My lovely room mate. Right after this she pretended to eat the flowers. 

R is for...

Walks with the kids along the river. holding little hands. sunshine and castles. 

 Taking the kids pony riding behind old churches...

 Having my bus stop be THIS.

Even though I am staying in on a Saturday night, finally love my life here!

xoxo

HL

Sister Comes to Visit!

So we all know I dont have a "real" sister. But this lady is pretty much the equivalent.

Such a precious 2 nights with her, but simply just not long enough!

Naturally, I got her wasted the first night. There was also some snuggling, walking around the old castle and river, visiting my kids at school, and amazing dinners and breakfasts around our city.

Come back soon my love!!!

And Also...

What the hell Rihanna? Don't get me wrong, this girl is HOT and rocks these crazy hairstyles and clothes and WORKS it. But her "whats my name" video just came on and before I recognized her I thought it was a prostitute.

And then realized...damn, thats Rihanna! And she dresses like a working girl!

Exhibit A (and the only exhibit really)

note: the bottom of this outfit is neon booty shorts, thigh highs, and hooker heels. Really?

You've Got Mail.

Just checking my email like normal...

When something from NUMBER 2 comes up with "From the Bottom of My Heart" as the subject.

Yeah, I kind of freaked out. Not like crying or really any feeling besides "well, FINALLY, he's probably apologizing or something"

But I definitely didn't breath for the entire minute I looked at it sitting in my inbox waiting to be read.

However, it ended up just being spam.

Looks like his email was hacked.

So, still back to not hearing from the man who "loved" me for almost 6 months now.

And thank God too, I think we've managed to find a winner with PAG and this awesome working and living it up in Slovakia business.

In other news, I think my mother is counting on me marrying this one. She's brought it up more than once to the point that its kind of weirding me out.

xoxo

HL

BIG NEWS.

I guess I could handle more of this.

Welp, decided to stay until December my friends.

Talked with PAG finally over the weekend...it wasn't our best conversation ever I have to admit...he seemed a bit cranky and unapologetic for not contacting me the entire week. But it was still nice to catch up and talk about this with him. This week I think we will talk more now that finals are over and hopefully rekindle some of our relationship. He was becoming my best friend and then disappeared into finals abyss, so now I feel distant.

During our lovely and lengthy conversation, I brought up the offer my director gave me to go home for the summer and then just work until December holiday break. So basically working for 3 months but getting paid for 6, and being able to put on my resume "a year of teaching abroad". Plus, have you SEEN my bomb ass apartment? He immediately agreed with me and seconded that it was a good idea and that I should do it. Sometimes he's so supportive though that I am almost like "but wait...don't you miss me?".

I think it will be hard to come back here after an amazing summer with all of my friends and family and lover...but if I come home for our week break in October, I really wouldn't even be gone that long. Maybe it was easier making this decision after not talking to him for so long and having such a blast with my new roomie in my new place. Ask me this question 3 weeks ago and it was a clear NO WAY, right?

I keep waiting to feel regret. Today after I told the school I kept waiting to wish I had taken it back...but nothing came. I am finally getting a handle on my job and even getting a head start on next years curriculum so I won't be where I am now-stressed. I making friends...enjoying things around the city...settling into my place. And I like having my man waiting for me while I gallivant around the city. I miss him, but I also don't have to worry about meeting anyone else around here or impressing anyone. I just do whatever.

So thats that my friends. Therefore, get ready for an EPIC summer.

xoxo

HL

Really Christian Louboutin?

I am enjoying one aspect of not having my man around and not looking for another man, it means I can wear whatever weird fashion item I want to and not give a shit what people think. Plus, I'm in Europe so people wear "odd" trendy things anyway.

But this Christian Louboutin? I dont care if there are interchangeable straps, its just plain ugly...and will leave wounds.

source.

xoxo

HL

Update...

FINALLY just got an email from PAG...


"how are you my dear? call you today. i dont have
my phone with me, i left it at my mom's bathroom.

another finals week is over and i am still alive

talk to you soon..."

I wrote back something to the tune of...I thought you were dead and I've been so sad! Ignore the fussy phone message I left you then...miss you...

I seriously am counting down until I get to talk to him again. I am having fun here, but I just miss him so.

xoxo

HL

More Decisions.

Think crazy could stand living it up in Europe a bit longer? 

I know in previous posts, I have wanted to come home right NOW and could hardly stand being away from my family, friends, and lover anymore.

Not going to lie...suddenly I find myself getting used to missing everyone back home, but also loving my life here. The dull ache of missing home and the crying fits have subsided, and now I am just busy with my awesome fun job and going out almost every night of the week with new friends. Of course there are still things I miss about home, and I am still REALLY looking forward to my summer holiday there. But my school director offered me to extend my contract just until January. Then I would get paid over the summer, and would only really be working September through half of December. There is even a break in October where I could come home or meet somewhere and see my PAG (assuming things there are even going to work out). Financially it would make sense...since I still have some debt to pay off and need some savings before trying to make it work back in socal. Plus, for my career I would be able to write a YEAR of teaching abroad...instead of just a random 6 months somewhere. Having experience is crucial to getting a job anywhere in California because they just keep firing all of the teachers and can be picky in hiring new ones since the market is flooded with good applicants. I would be home for Christmas and right around when the teaching jobs are posted for the next year. So I would get to spend a summer with all of you with free time and money AND would just be gone for 3.5 months again before coming home for good.

This is another reason I've been trying to talk to PAG. I want to make this decision with him or just know he is done with me and make my own decision. I know I would never find anyone here...the international community is pretty weird, the Slovak guys are ugly and have old world ideas about women, and any hot guy is just here for a stag party weekend.

And this is what Sundays were invented for. Sitting in bed working and being sad all day while thinking about how your life decisions are a hot mess.

xoxo

HL

Drama in Bratislava.

So, I haven't talked much about my new room mate...but we pretty much LOVE each other. We never get tired of each other, and if we are generally a little socially tired we just sit in our room "caves" and it doesn't offend either of us. We work separately all day, which I think really helps, and then at night we either meet up with friends for dinner, or we go shopping, or eat at home. When we go out, we always watch our drinks and look out for each other if boys are all up in our grill. Plus, its nice to have someone make sure you get home ok.

Roomie has been having her own dramatic love affair with an all to similar story to mine, in a nutshell: she met an amazing guy from Canada who was here working for a few months, they fell for each other and spent all their days and evenings together until he had to move to Mexico City for work. They both agreed to try and make it work even though they both work so much and the time change is a BITCH. Their communication was similar to PAG and I's, but they didn't know when they would see each other again. Last weekend we were shopping and he drunkenly calls her and tells her he wants to end things (que crying in the dressing room, literally). When she tried to talk to him sober about it all week, he kept telling her he was too busy. So she's just assumed its over and is so sad.

So here we are. Two gorgeous girls in Europe with stag party men always hanging all over us, so depressed and sad because the ones we really want don't care enough to make it work.

Last night we were both depressed so we forced each other to go out for dinner at cute place down the street that turns into a "discoteca" around 10. We usually end up there for dancing after we go anywhere else, and roomie knows all the bar tenders so we get taken care of. There was a huge group of GORGEOUS men who were clearly NOT Slovak, obviously another English stag party. (Oops, that means bachelor party to you American folk. In Europe, the men ALL do a Vegas style bachelor party to a party city...Bratislava is small but cheap and fun so I seriously meet a different group of these guys every weekend. They are usually really fun, and way better looking then the Slovak guys)
We ended up talking to them at the bar and one thing leads to another...and we're all best friends and having a crazy dance party all night long! There were quite a few boys who fell in love with me (and my boobs) and we just danced the night away...had 4 way kisses...free drinks..."your the best dancer in here!"..."you have an amazing body"...and in particular one hot boy in a grey sweater had his arm around me all night and wanted to take me home.

Thats when Canadian boy finally texts roomie and I see her sitting at the bar with her hand in some ice (she burned it doing those on-fire shots, obviously) and her face in her other hand about to cry. Somehow my room mate who can NEVER drink enough to get drunk, apparently has, and apparently needs to be take home.

I am saying good bye to the many men who loved me, when grey sweater is trying to convince me to stay and won't let me go and KISSES ME. Not on the cheek my friends. It only lasted for a second because roomie needed me, and uh HELLO I am still technically in a relationship, and because I wasn't even really that into it. But it happened. Part of me wants to tell PAG what happened...part of me is still planning on not hearing from him...and part of me just wants to let it be because I know it would hurt PAG and it wasn't even that big of a deal. I kind of already forgot about it until I started writing this.

Of course, I've already analyzed it. I require attention from men, it doesn't even have to be sexual, but every woman needs it. If I am not getting it from phone calls with my lover back home, then its really hard for me to just wave off every guy who hits on me wherever we go. When PAG and I are talking and things are good, I have no problem brushing off the guys, in fact I prefer to have a lover home waiting for me then having to try and mess around with douche bags. But when I haven't heard from him in 10 DAYS...things start to get a little crazy.

Anyway, I walked roomie home and was glad she made me leave when she did so I didn't do anything stupid. Put her to bed and we both cried ourselves to sleep.

The Beginning of the End.

Things with PAG were wonderful. They were perfect actually. We would talk a few times a week on the phone, always on Sundays at least for a few hours. We would email, text, or chat almost everyday too. I was happy even out at the bars with men hanging all over me to tell them I had an amazing boyfriend back home so NO you may not have my number. We all know I missed him, but we were making it work. And I am only even here for a few more months anyway.

And then all of a sudden it was "finals week" and all I've gotten in the last 10 days was a ghcat text response to me asking if he was free "sorry boo, finals week ahhhhhhhh". That was 7 days ago. I've missed 2 of his calls this week, which made me cry, but when I would call him back he wouldn't answer. He's not answering my emails, texts, NOTHING.

I've cried a bit here and there, but mostly its just this deep hollow ache in my chest. The overwhelming sadness that I fucked this up by moving away and he's trying to call me just to officially end things. Last time when he disappeared I made him promise never to do it again and he was really serious about it, so either he really is just busy and I need to be angry with him for not making time for me OR this is ending and I am so sad I'm not even planning on getting out of bed today. To be honost, I am torn in which direction to feel. It's not like him to just END things with me...I keep expecting a call from him where everything is just like normal. But at the same time...not responding to me at all is also not like him so I equally am expecting this nothingness to continue until I disappear into sadness entirely.

It literally feels like I am dying.

Happy St. Patricks Day From Bratislava

source.

So its almost 1am on a weekday, I just walked myself home from the packed Irish pub, where I was offered SEVERAL free drinks and had my number asked for. OMG this is the Europe I've been waiting for.

Of course, I was a good girl and told them I had a boyfriend...and laughed at their "he's in the US, he doesn't have to know" logic. I am even home in bed before my room mate.

It was hard saying no to perfectly lovely boys when I havent talked to mine in over a week now. And of course, I forgot my phone at home the ONE time this week and come home to his missed call. I almost cried. And whenever I call back he doesn't pick up or answer my gchat texts. I keep thinking at this point hes just calling to end things with me because its been so long. And also because I am a crazy person.

Nice to remember I can get some ass whenever I want to though. I felt pretty and desired for the first time since I've been here really. Such a good night. Although work tomorrow will probably leave something to be desired...

xoxo

HL

Weird.

Things are kind of weird again...

We had two government inspectors come to our school today and for the rest of the week, to observe us, interview us, and check that all of the administratives documents are in order. It's a BIG deal, they can shut down your school if health and safety aren't up to code or for any reason. Of course, my school had hardly any of the admin documents ready so we've been scrambling around trying to get everything ready and Ive been REALLY angry about it. I already work extensively overtime every week developing my curriculum, and I found out we are already with the kids over the legal amount anyway. PLUS I had all this extra stuff to do because the admin hadn't done any of it since the school opened 10 years ago.

PAG has finals this week too, and we've been missing each others calls. But again, he's not responding to my emails (but then has time to send me news articles that he also sends to his family...which is sweet because we do that...but how come you have time for that and not time to email me back or anything?) and it's now been a week since we've talked. He's tried to call twice but I had it on vibrate and missed them. So that is always weird too. I miss talking to him, and love to talk to him especially when I am having a stressful week. He makes me happy.

And now I have to tell my work about not coming back next year and its so hard to walk away from a job when they just laid off MORE teachers back home. And when my new apartment is so amazing. And I am falling in love with my city and kids at work.

I keep asking myself, are you really just going home for a boy who you haven't even talked to in a week?

But of course I miss other things too. Living abroad is much more glamourous then it sounds...at least in my case. I work my butt off at my job, the admin is unorganized, making new friends is HARD, and come on, lets be honost...baby needs some sex.

so ready for the weekend already.

xoxo

HL

I Want To Do This!

"SOMETIMES WE SIT FOR HOURS STARING AT A SEA SHELL. OTHER TIMES HE'LL HOLD ME BY THE NECK IN FRONT OF THE PYRAMIDS. BUT THERE'S NOTHING WE LIKE MORE THAN NEARLY KISSING EACH OTHER NEAR SOME HORSES. I ALWAYS TRY TO LOOK HOT IN FRONT OF HIM SO HE DOESN'T LEAVE ME."

source.

"And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely place. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it."

-Roald Dahl

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Missing my love today.

xoxo

HL