Last Night With SS

WELL last night was another fantastic night with SS. We had a really fun time together of course...got Thai food and a drink at the bar down the street and laughed the night away. We always have such a fun time together! BUT towards the end of the night he started telling me all about his pot smoking ways...apparently he has a medical marijuana card for some fake issue he made up and gets pot delivered to him and smoke not just everyday, but A LOT. Also, he never touches me in public or will just kiss me EVER. I have to be the one to initiate it and I HATE that. One of the things I really liked about Number 2 is that he always held my hand or kissed me passionately or would sneakily grab me inappropriately in public...even now when we hang out after a year I can tell how attracted he is to me whenever we hang out. Not so much with SS. Half the time I dont even know if he likes me. At first it was amazing because it came off as so sweet and respectful, but now I see he's just insecure and afraid of me rejecting him. Especially since last night he didn't kiss me or touch me AT ALL, even when I was leaving. But then he texts me afterwards,
"so I thought about kissin u bye...but didnt want u to snap on me so I didnt...here is a rain check for you"

WHAT?!?! We've have been dating a month or so..why would I snap on you?! What does that even mean?! I've never even done that before?! WHAT?! Ridiculous. Get some balls dude.

BUT when we've made out he does try and take off my clothes and stuff...so I know its there...just something is weird.

SO I think it was a good experience to help me push us into the friend zone entirely. I was even more unattracted to him after the pot smoking and kissing issues, plus we were able to spend an entire evening together acting just like friends anyway.

Well, its Wednesday and I haven't heard from Crew. So he's off the list. Bye beautiful man.

Number 2 and I are talking about taking a trip together within the next few weeks and hanging out this weekend. (SEE how complicated my love life is?) He might be going to Chicago or San Francisco to interview with Notre Dame again, and it's been mentioned more then once that I should come. I also want to go to the Ace Hotel in Palm Springs and suggested we both need a vacation and should go for a long weekend if he doesn't end up flying somewhere to interview. I think it's really hard for him to watch me go out with other guys, in fact I know it is because he's told me. But I always say, "you could have hung out with me tonight. You could hang out with me any night you want. But you dont." I go back and forth if he's genuine about being too much of a mess to be in a relationship with me, especially since I've heard that coming genuinely from other guys to their girls too. And because I talk to him so much I do know how much of a mess he is. Last night he wanted to go to the movies with me but I was busy SUCKA. That felt good. And weird. But It was probably good for him to know I am desirable and busy and am not waiting around for him to hang out with me like I did pretty much all of last year. But if he's genuine then should I keep being a bitch and throwing my dating life in his face? I dont exactly know the role I should take in all this. I never have.

today I have off! Just trying to run errands and clean up post Hawaii mess. This weekend I think I need to spend starting to pack. This weekend my hopefully future landlords will be meeting Bella and see if she's approved for my big move! I sure do hope so! Ok I am STARVING and its 1p and all Ive done is shower and then sit in bed and pay bills...off to be productive!

lovelove.