Monday, February 13, 2012

My First Valentines Day

I realized today that I haven't really had a valentines day in like...10 years. My previous adult "boyfriends" didn't do anything for me on this day, so my last one was in high school with little high school boyfriend giving me a rose and card. I mean, I've had a few pity party years or girls night years, but otherwise it just became another day I was aware I was alone...or kind of alone and with a semi/jerk face boyfriend thing who didn't even wish me a happy valentines day the day of. Not that big of a deal in the last few years actually.

Now to be clear, I did not ASK for a single thing. I didn't even HINT about anything. He just told me a few weeks back, "Oh I'm so excited! I ordered your valentines presents today!"

Presents? Like more than one?


The first one came today:

Um, too bad Mr. Boyfriend is so far away because he just earned SERIOUS sexual favor points if this is just gift one. 

Now I know some girls aren't into this kind of thing, but you know me as SUCH a romantic, I feel blessed (yes, blessed) to have a man who is as romantic as I am, if not more, because he constantly comes up with things to give or do for me that are better then I could even imagine. I LOVE surprises and like to keep them surprises, so all I let him tell me was that it was a BIG box...I could only imagine could be some balloons- which I was already thrilled about it possibly being! But then THIS!!! Do you SEE the bear?!?!?! Its dressed like a MARINE!!!! I have a Marine bear to snuggle with at night so I dont miss my Marine boyfriend so much! Again, bigger and better then I even imagined! 

We talked a lot today while I was at work and both couldn't wait until I got home and could open it. We skyped while I opened it and of course I was so happy and giddy, I still keep looking at it and cant believe a man bought all of that for lil ol me. But at the same time, I find myself sad. I hate the distance, and we make it work and it isn't that bad, but as I fall for him more and more I feel scared at the same time that I am falling in love with someone who maybe I dont know as well as I think I do? What if we spend more physical time together and find its not working out? Am I being stupid? I wish our first valentines day...and my first one in 10 years...would have been together. I'd send all of this back even if it just meant he could come snuggle with me in bed for an entire day. I know its cliche and stupid, I can hear myself. But its true. Whats valentines day without your valentine? 

For now we're in the midst of waiting to hear where hes going to be placed in October and when we will see each other again before that. It looks like the middle of May so he can see his best friend graduate and I of course will meet the family and do the whole "city girl meets the country" deal (cant wait for THOSE posts). His brothers tentative wedding in June got pushed to next year for financial reasons (to which brother already told Mr. Boyfriend I am already invited to for next year hehe) so a week or two for him in May it is. He may have already priced my ticket, a rental car, a route, and things for us to do. I KNOW, I WANT TO KEEP HIM. 

I suppose this isn't how I imagined my first real valentines to be, with my valentine so far far away. But I am rather thankful for him and his heart for me all the same. I would have been fine alone of course (and if you're single and awesome- you're fine too!), but snuggling with my marine bear and a boyfriend telling me he loves me over skype is ok too...for now. 

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