Although it was five years ago, when I was just barely figuring out what to major in college, if I should change my black/blonde/pink hair, if I wanted to just up and move to India....etc. God (or whoever you think it is) told me I was destined to do something grand and be a strong leader. He got me finally excited about something regarding my future, which was teaching art to underprivileged kids (like art therapy). Which led me to get my teaching credential and minor in art. Now that those doors keep closing to me and the very real prospect of me taking an entirely other career and life path into the business field is literally keeping me up at night worried I am veering from my intended plan.
"I'm not helping needy kids!"
"I'm not even working at a non-profit!"
"I'm not dropping everything and moving to India!"
Around and around we go.
But as I write I wonder if maybe this is how I am going to be a strong leader. God never said I was going to be a strong leader in the education or even non-profit world. He just said I was going to be a strong leader, but I needed to get my anxiety under control (ha, how ironic is that). And whose to say this isn't a stepping stone into being able to volunteer, donate funds, eventually work for a non-profit, etc. And whose to say I still can't even do that in my free time? Maybe this is the path God has intended for me all along. I wouldn't be able to get this internship that directs into this management field without my education and work experience. Without developing my personality that is perfect for the role. Without being where I am unemployment-wise.
So I suppose this means its time to stop limiting myself and be excited about this jump into another world. One I didn't ever see myself in, but one that seems to use my skills in an amazing way anyway.
Literally have had to take sleeping pills the last 2 nights because otherwise I'll just toss and turn thinking, analyzing...and being excited too. Friday I was even supposed to go to Melissa's for dinner, which I was thrilled about- but after not sleeping the ENTIRE night a super fun migraine hit me by afternoon and I could barely move. Oh hey lady, I didn't know you got migraines? Oh yeah, THATS BECAUSE I DON'T.