Monday, February 06, 2012

A Girl Just Can't Get Used To This.

So lately I've been having a lot of time to think, being sick (AGAIN!!!!) and semi unemployed and all. Plus, as I fall more and more in love with the far away man panic starts to settle in equal amounts. The more I love him and let myself imagine a future with him, the more I risk ending up broken and hurt like the other times.

Plus it just suddenly occurred to me that um HELLO this guy is in the military and is falling for you and planning a happy little future with you just like those crazy guys tend to do! Even if you're far away, they like having someone to connect with back home. Which I understand, but I started panicking that he wasn't in love with ME or seriously pondering a future with ME...but with just the idea of me. A nice girl back home to pine for and plan and lovey dovey future with in California, happy endings.

The last 2 days I've been super stressed about it and analyzing everything. Basically going over and over everything he's ever said to me. Finally today I just talked to him about it. I explained how I was feeling and why, and he understood and then said (among other things).

"If I could sit you down right now and look you in the eyes I would.

I do love you.

I do care for you.

You mean the world to me.

I would do anything for you.

You make me happier than anyone has in a LONG time.

And just simply, I do love you."

He also made more valid points about how he used to be a player and why would he even bother pursuing me so much if he didn't care about me? How he's told his entire family all about me. He even asked baby mama about the future and if the little guy could come to Cali and live with US for awhile.

I guess I am just NOT used to a man loving and wanting a real future with me like he does. We are super excited about starting our lives together after this stupid Brazil thing is finished, which is why we get ahead of ourselves with marriage and family talk, but to have a man be EXCITED about that life with me is just above and beyond what I ever imagined.

So I apologized for freaking out, he said he understood and that I wasn't the only one freaking out about everything (haha) and then checked my pill pack to verify that yes, yes it was PMS rearing its head.



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