How To Get Boys To Like You- Be Confident

Found on Pinterest. 

Being confident sounds simple, but it's probably harder than even the first ideal "Be Attractive".

Because you can throw on a hot dress and tons of make up but still feel horrible about yourself- and men will still be able to tell. Maybe even more so if you look like you just walked off the street. And they will use your lack of confidence against you. To hook you in. Sleep with you. Then peace out before the sun comes up. And if you are just having fun and don't want a boyfriend then thats ok too, but be very honest with yourself about this. Most women I find who say they don't want anything serious are lying to themselves and everyone else because they don't think they can find someone serious so they just give up and pretend like its fine. Don't be afraid to want something serious. It's not weird. Just be honest about what you want. Whatever kind of gentleman you would like, let's attract him because of how smart, funny, and awesome you are NOT because of how your boobs so slightly hang out of your dress every night and how easy you look.

Being Attractive is a huge step in the direction of having confidence, but then even the most beautiful of girls still sell themselves short. I can't tell you exactly what you need because every woman is different- but I can try and point you in the right direction. You have to take it from there. I promise, the men will follow.

• Ask yourself, What do I deserve? Why do I think that?
• To the first question literally the only valid answer is "Someone who treats me well. Makes me laugh. Has fun with me. Wants to care for me. Shares similar values." Seriously. That's it. So if your answer was different then this- its time to reassess. 

• Are your expectations too low? Do you not feel like you deserve this or that a guy like this really exists out there for you? Typical men issues are weeded out by this simple description. For example: If he's a bum without a job and smoking weed all the time then that means he doesn't care for you, who cares if he's funny and cute. Case closed. Explore why your expectations for yourself are so low. Was it how someone treated you in the past? What someone told you? Do you think you are a lower level woman and therefore deserve a lower level guy? Every woman deserves this. Even if she's messed up before. She can fix herself and start fresh. I repeat, every. woman. deserves. this. 

• Are your expectations too high? Is your list of "wants" filled with physical looks, intensive spiritual values, weird hang ups on meaningless trivial things? Then give it up. No wonder you haven't found a guy, he doesn't exist. Just follow the simple guideline and it'll become clearer who is and is not a good one. But more importantly, why are your expectations so high? Ask yourself and think about it. Is it because of how you were raised or because you are using these as excuses to not get to close to someone? Are you afraid of getting hurt so you put up these defenses? Figure out why and try and fix your perspective on who and what you want. There are amazing men out there who are not Prince Charming or Mr. Perfect. They have pasts, issues, baggage, and drama just like you do. But they are still amazing and it's worth it. Just like you're worth it. 

• Practice Being Content
• This connects to Being Attractive, but like I said you can be the most beautiful girl in the room and still lack confidence which makes you easy prey for men. They can tell by the way you carry yourself and/or the skanky outfit you wore tonight that you need attention because you have low self esteem. (PS I wear sexy outfits to go dancing in all the time just because I like the attention and feel pretty, but not because I am trying to get a man. Big difference. And the hottest I've ever looked has been when I was trying to impress Mr. Boyfriend)

• If you are practicing the aspects of Being Attractive and feel good about yourself then Being Confident should come naturally, but sometimes it doesn't. There's always someone prettier, smarter, sexier, insert issue here- in the same room as you. But you have to learn to be content with who you are. Of course we always want to strive to be a better person, thats why we read and take care of ourselves...but you will never look like Scarlett Johanson or Beyonce and you have to find that place inside of you thats ok with that. That feels amazing just the way you are. It sounds cliche, but it's true. Stop comparing yourself to everyone else and just practice being content in where and who you are now. 

• Fake It
• Sounds odd I know, but somedays we just don't feel good about ourselves. Screw it, some MONTHS we don't feel good about ourselves. While you actively try and get yourself out of the rut, just fake your confidence level as being high. Of course we don't want to overdo it, but "fake it till you make it" always rings true with this one. After pretending for a little while you'll start to really feel it and be back in the game before you know it. 

I've been through all of this lady. Confidence is the hardest, but the most important. There are plenty of books on self esteem and worth out there you can look into too. But men are SO attracted to confident girls, even more then the hot but obviously desperate ones. You know how I got Mr. Boyfriend to stick around? I laughed at him trying to hit on me because it was so ridiculous and I had enough confidence to not fall for it. They'll call you beautiful just to weaken your knees- I promise!

How do you feel confident?

xoxo

HL

Series:

• 1. How To Get Boys To Like You- Be Attractive
• 2. How To Get Boys To Like You- Be Confident 

Another Reason To Skip Sleep- The Civil Wars

All Images From Artist Website Here.

Ok so this duo isn't new, but they are to me. Apparently they won a grammy? For folk so I suppose this is why they are still a bit under the radar. But I can't find them on NPR or Pitchfork which are both places I regularly find new music. So if you are like me and haven't heard of these lovlies- boy are you in for a treat! Their stripped down two person folk duets kind of KILLS me. I haven't stopped listening since I found them last week and I'd highly recommend searching for these guys on your Spotify. 

Favorites include:

• Safe & Sound
• Poison & Wine
• Barton Hollow
• 20 Years

Check out my "Another Reason to Skip Sleep" spotify playlist! I'll be putting all of my favorites in there each week for easy listening. 

What do you think?

xoxo

HL

We're Waiting For You.

I have been missing our sweet little buddy. It was his second birthday last week. We can't wait to be with him for keeps and never miss another birthday.


To Our Little Cake,
I am sorry we missed your sweet little birthday. I saw the few pictures of your Mickey Mouse cake and pinata- it looked like a nice little party in the park and nana and papa said you had a fun time. I saw that you didn't want to get off of papa's lap and I hope it's because he reminds you of your daddy and their warm home. It's hard for your daddy to not be with you. I know it makes him very very sad, but he tries really hard for you to know him by calling all the time and sending you all the gifts we can. We picked out your birthday present together and were so glad to hear you liked it!! I can't wait to play with it with you at nana and papas house. Then we can pack it up in the truck and move you and daddy out here to live where I am from so we can be a little family! We are so excited!!! I am finding a lot of fun things we can do together when you are here with us. Library, Disneyland, the beach, aquarium, movies and music outside, picnics, the zoo, all kinds of things! I feel lonely without my boys with me. Daddy and I didn't want to leave you in Mississippi, but it's only for a little while longer. We talk about you all the time. You like to tell Daddy about "spongebob" and everything you are doing at daycare. Your hair is longer now and even curlier and makes us laugh. You've gotten taller and bigger just since we saw you in June and it makes us a little sad because we feel like we are missing everything.

My Boys.

I know it will be strange to be with your momma there and then come live with us here...but it is going to be better. Your momma loves you, but adults make things complicated. Whatever happens- remember we love you too and can't wait to get to have you with us. I know I will never be your "real" mommy, but I sure do love you as much. And I hope someday you will too.

Right now I am looking at places where we can live and finding fun things for your new bedroom. We were thinking of doing it with airplanes because your Daddy works on planes and loves them and your papa flies them! I am trying to find a place where Daddy and I can walk you to the beach to play on the weekends...I also secretly want to take Friday's off work so we can play together...something I am working on but don't tell Daddy yet.

This is how little you were when we last saw you in June-
I can already see you've gotten bigger little buddy!

We can't wait to see you baby bear- just 9 more weeks until your Daddy gets there and then I will feel much calmer knowing both my loves are together again! And I don't think Daddy would even be able to write down how EXCITED he is to finally have you.

See you soon baby bear, we love you!!

Girlfriend Fail.

Remember that one time when you finally give in and show your boyfriend the blog.

And he reads everything you initially wrote about him and you feel like shit.

But- it had to be done so I don't feel like I'm living a double life with the man I love. Luckily it won't affect the integrity of my honesty here...I just said some not perfect things before we really got to know each other and feel like a jerk face.

However, I do tend to be more dramatic about these things then he does. He loves me.

It's only temporary as this little bloggy blog is getting a major re-design! New name! New format! New posts! So fun!

Hopefully getting some things for the big changes together this weekend- it's quite an undertaking.

xoxo

HL

Rough & Ready.

I suppose it's been a rough week.

I kept almost crying all the time and could NOT figure out why when I realized...

Well your great aunt died. The embassies are being attacked in the middle east and your boyfriend works as a MARINE at one in South America. Your phone died and when you bought a new temporary one it also died so now you have no phone to talk to said boyfriend. And to top it all off its hormonal girl week to boot. 

No wonder you are so fussy.

Finally broke down and poured myself a tall gin and tonic this evening.

Been letting myself have naps and even 2 diet cokes this week.

BUT we are getting excited for our fun Christmas plans as we prepare for my love to come HERE in only 11 weeks!! Right now the plan is for him to go home and see the baby bear and get the full custody papers and such in swing, come see me here the next week while we BANG and secure an apartment, then he'll go back to his family for 2 weeks for Christmas and I'll go out there the day after Christmas for a day or so before we all pile in his truck and drive to socal stopping in Phoenix along the way for new years and to visit his brother. Our first family trip! Of course we couldn't resist staying a few days in the hotel we stayed at when he came to visit me last year...and The Peabody in Memphis for my first night there like we did in June...we are such old romantics. I don't know what we are more excited about, getting to BANG after 6 months or just being next to each other. Even something as simple as getting to sleep in bed and wake up next to each other is SUCH a sweet precious thing to us.

So there are so many adventures to be had. I will taking a road trip from the deep south with a 2 year old and my long distance boyfriend to move into our apartment here together. And I am no longer worried about how we will get along or manage or whatever, just SO HAPPY! And...minorly stressed out about the logistics of everything...mostly having to do with money for it all and custody. We are both saving like crazy but my medical stuff was expensive. Getting custody will be expensive. Flights, hotels, gas, snacks and activities for my new 2 year old (eeee!!!)...all costs money. I suppose worrying about it now doesn't help anything. Constantly trying to learn that lesson of living in the present....

xoxo

HL

Worth It.

How do you know it's worth it?

After boyfriend and I have little arguments or "serious discussions" as I like to call them, we both walk away frustrated with ourselves, each other, and even somewhat panicky like "Oh jeez are they going to break up with me over this?!" or in my case, "Are we going to have to argue about this forever?! Do I really want this?!"

The Difference. 

After spending the weekend not getting to talk much due to our schedules we finally caught up Sunday evening and both came to the table with new talking points.

Me: I think I need to give up some control over inserting my opinions and solutions having to do you and baby mama. Someday I will get to have a bigger say but right now its the most stressful time between you two as you sort this out, and right now I think you are right in that I should back off.

Boyfriend: I've been thinking about how I make rash decisions without thinking them through and then you get frustrated with me. I attribute this to my military training, but I am going to work on it because I can see how it effects decisions I make in my life and upsets you.

The difference between the relationships that don't last and the ones that do is this: when you truly love someone and want it to work, you figure it out. You don't just throw in the towel and say screw it I'm finding someone else. Instead, you care enough to think about how you could be better in the situation. Try and make changes. Care.

Every time he does this with me I am shocked. I got a little teary eyed when he just started the conversation with, "so I've been thinking about what you said..."- I have a man who values me SO much he will do anything to not lose me. I know for a fact he's never been like this with any other woman...cared enough to make it work. And all of those words were before he went into his spiel about missing me so much and how distance really does make the heart grow fonder because everyday he realizes more and more how much he loves me. I know. I'm dying.

It's hard for me to wrap my head around all of this. I am not used to being loved by a man so completely in this way (but who is? Until you're lucky enough to meet the one you keep...). But I will admit, now that I've let this understanding of just choosing to make it work because you love the person...I am less afraid of living together. Afraid may not be the best word, worried perhaps is better. Less worried. We won't ruin everything and hate each other unless we let ourselves. Or realize the bad outweighs the good and it isn't worth it. Then maybe we'd go our separate ways. And it'd be ok.

But none of the fears I have will ever come to fruition unless we let them. And then we only have ourselves to blame when things fall a part.

Also, I've recently become obsessed with vanilla wafers and home made iced tea. I'd highly recommend both at the same time sitting outside.

xoxo

HL

Too Sweet For Rock n Roll

"You're too sweet for rock n roll"- Penny Lane, Almost Famous

I sometimes think I am too sweet to watch and hear about such intense things in the world. After taking a 6 month hiatus from watching The Wire in the middle of season 4 due to overwhelming plot lines and emotions I finally finished the season this week. It took a lot to get me to watch again. And days later I find myself still haunted by everything I saw and felt. There was crying, night mares, and a complete re-evaluation of my entire life.

Yeah I'm not joking. Some random fictional TV show you may not of even heard of had that much of an effect on me. Boyfriend told me I should just stop watching it if it makes me so upset... but for some reason I feel like its somehow my duty to keep watching. Basically the show is widely considered one of the best ever on television, by HBO from a few years ago, and over 5 seasons takes you deep into inner city Baltimore. The drug world, the flawed education system, the police, even up to the mayor and government. All more realistic then you would care to see. And considered realistic even by real inner city Baltimore people. Why did this affect ME so much?

I've been wondering the same thing.

Because it's real. Because it's the real lives of so many people. Because it reminds me of my mother and where she came from. And furthermore, reminds me why I became a teacher and wanted "to change the world". Suddenly I find myself working in white upper class corporate America creating products designed to sell more shit to other upper class white people. Getting excited to go to work to contribute to nothing significant was beginning to wear on my heart before I watched the show, but now I think one of the nails on my career coffin is beginning to be nailed in. I don't feel like I need to up and quit my job and join the peace corp or something, but I can give money to organizations that I know are changing the world and make my plan for a future time when I can do the same.

I guess when I think about it, Boyfriend and I are working really hard to get baby bear away from crazy baby mama asap and want to adopt kids in a few years too. I am already taking steps to get out of debt and pave the way to be able to stay home with all my babies we give homes to. Until then- separately God told each of us we need to be doing something now, so at minimum we are both looking into where we want to give our 10% every month. I chose India of course. When he gets here and we are settled we can look into where we want to give our energy and time too. And boyfriend and I both have a heart for kids and living in other countries so we've already talked about where and what we want to do.

Being patient and seeing that where I am at is where I am supposed to be continues to be a struggle I suppose.

xoxo

HL

How To Get Boys To Like You- Be Attractive.

Yeah I know.

It's ridiculous I even have to write this. But, alas- here we are.

I am continuing to come across women who just don't understand why they can't get a boyfriend, dates, positive male attention, have a man stick around for longer then a few weeks, etc.

After being around the block a little, and seeing how crazy and complicated women make this. I would like to venture some suggestions, the first of many.

1. Be Attractive

This is about as casual as I get.
Just leggings, a top, and some flats.
Pretty nbd.

First lets cover the basics, I understand not all of this is intuitive for some women for various reasons. But being attractive doesn't mean you always need to looking like you walked out of the pages of a magazine- but at least attempting to come close helps. A basic list:

• Shower every morning so you don't smell like sweat and ass.

• Showering before a date or interacting with men.  

• Wear some make up when you leave the house. (see below for simple practical tips)

•  THROW AWAY your ugly and old stuff. Seriously, take it to good will and go shopping. Try to wear cute and feminine clothes. 

• Shave. Did you know you can train your hair to not grow as fast? I only shave my legs 2x a week in the summer and its totally fine!

• Do your hair. You can also train your hair to not get greasy after a day, I only wash mine 2x/week but it looks nice everyday.

• Take care of your nails. They don't have to be fancy, but I spend $40/month to go twice a month and get them done so they always look nice. I figure it into my budget and its important to me because I am taking care of myself and it's an after work appointment thats not a horrible errand or cleaning or something. Just for me. 

Seems pretty simple, but you can't be lazy and have to make some effort everyday. My few things I always have that make me look "together" and feel confident no matter what I'm wearing are diamond earrings (faux $12 ones from Target, seriously), I always have my nails done, and I don't wear sweats or pajama type clothes out of the house. Replace your relaxing weekend sweat suit with actual presentable options like leggings and cute tops or comfy dresses and sandals. I own ONE zip up hoodie I ONLY wear around the house when its cold. Why? Because you never know who you are going to meet and when. I have men flirting with me all the time everywhere I go, if I wanted to- one thing could lead to another and those could be dates. And of course someday when you have been together awhile you can start to relax a little if you want to (men do this weird thing where they think you are BEAUTIFUL all the time...its super weird), but until then the goal is to attract. So do it!

I know if you are not feminine it makes it intimidating to try and learn all the make up tricks, what to wear, etc. But start slow, and heres some tips:

• Visit an Ulta or make up counter and they'll give you a head start. I don't wear a ton of make up but what I do wear- makes a difference. Something simple you can do quickly every morning and a few extras for nights out and special occasions. I buy good products that last me a long time and don't hurt my skin, but start small if you have to. Youtube videos are also a free resource on how to apply. 

• Visit a hair salon and have the stylist work some magic, buy and learn how to use the products they did. Continue buying and using them!! THIS IS KEY. DONT BE LAZY! But this is also coming from a girl who dyes her hair at home to save money, and only washes it two times a week to save money on products/dye and I know how to style it so it still looks good. If you get up a little earlier 2x/week and do a good job on your hair, it'll last a few days!

• I am not skinny. I have an hour glass figure and am short. I scrape the bottom of the barrel to spend money on clothes. And yet, I have a pretty decent wardrobe and know my body/what will and will not fit me in stores so shopping is quick and painless. Read some fashion blogs. Figure out your body shape and which stores cater to it. Just because a store carries something in your size doesn't mean it'll look good. Same for whats "in fashion", might not look good on your body and thats ok. If you have NO clue then just visit a store you like and have an associate help you- its what they do.

• Treat yourself well. Eat healthy most days. Exercise a few of those days. Being healthy and caring about yourself is very attractive. 

I might add some links to tips on this eventually, but for now get up a little earlier. Make an effort. Don't be lazy. THEN tell me boys aren't talking to you and we'll address the second installment coming soon!

xoxo

HL

PS I am not perfect. I am not judging. I just felt like women maybe didn't realize that step ONE is looking and feeling amazing all the time so wonderful men can be attracted to you. The proof that being attractive works?

Before

Why did I ever feel like this was appropriate? 
Why did I ever wonder why I couldn't get dates or boyfriends?

After

Still not skinny. Still not expensive. STILL SO MUCH BETTER.
Guess who had more dates then she could handle and got an amazing almost-fiance out of it?

Being attractive. Works. 

How To Get Boys To Like You- Be Attractive (this one!)

How To Get Boys To Like You- Be Confident

Dear Booze, We Need A Break.

Dear Booze,

I love you. We have been very close friends for so long now. But we need a break as every time I have more then two servings of you, it feels like you are ruining my stomach lining. 

I am only taking this break in hopes we can make up again soon.

I will always love you.

xoxo

Yeah. Thats happening. SAY IT ISN'T SO?! I know. But about two weeks ago I was going through some SERIOUS stomach pain though for about a week. So bad I was barely eating for days, had to go to the doctor, get a cat scan, and am now on super strong prescription strength anti acids for 3 months. I don't know why I was surprised when I went wine tasting last weekend and got super sick afterwards (no one else did quite as bad, and I didn't drink more then I should normally be able to handle). Then last night at another party I only had my normal gin and tonic...and yes I was drunk- but again, it wasn't more then I should normally be able to handle. Who was throwing up in their friends bathroom for the second weekend in a row? Uhhhh YEAH. Not fun. I'm too old for this shit. 

So it finally occurred to me. Hey crazy, remember how your stomach is really angry and you have to be on medications for it for 3 months? WELL MAYBE you should try and cut out the excessive drinking habits EH?! 

Luckily the big events are over for the next few weeks until Kathleen's wedding and then my birthday, but still- all of the happy hours, bowling 'team' I might join with some friends from work, dinners and drinks with friends- alcohol is such a big part of my life. The idea of going cold turkey without it is a little ridiculous. So we are going to work on having a 2 drink limit for awhile until my lil tummy can calm down. 

And to avoid being THAT girl puking in the bathroom every weekend and wasting Sunday recovering. 

It's All Happening.

Holy Crap.

It's September.

I turn into a mommy and pre-wife in 3 short months.

THREE MONTHS to buy all of our kitchen stuff...organize my shit in the garage...lose 30lbs...find an apartment...get a new car...prepare to be MUMMIFIED (yeah thats right- that just happened).

Perhaps not surprisingly I find myself flip flopping from being SO EXCITED to freaking out every other day. There's been more then one whine to boyfriend,

but I'm just afraid somethings going to happen and we are going to be stressed out and you're going to leave meeeeee

All said very fast and high pitched. To which he replies something to the tune of:

quit being crazy. I love you- ya nut. 

I think boyfriends should consider just recording this and replaying it for us every time we hit our crazy button again.

Nothing between us has gotten any less lovely, I think our long time a part just has me worrying if it will translate to when we are actually together again. Which is understandable. I was the same way before we saw each other in June but I remember being with him and our little buddy and could not remember EVER being that happy ever in my life. And it just lasted for days and days. The entire time we kept looking at each other and saying, "BABY- WE GET TO DO THIS FOREVER?!" Fast forward to us wisely choosing to live with each other once he's here...but now that we've been a part for 3 months...and have only 3 more months to go, of course the doubts on occasion are settling in. But whats worse is imagining us trying to manage the move and our lives and not be living together. After being a part for so long I can't imagine not waking up with him everyday, we've been starved of any physical affection for A YEAR. I somehow don't think I'll mind being flooded with it all at once...of course it'll be an adjustment, but a good one.

However, as much as I am dying for him to be here- I am trying to appreciate the last of my single lady status too. Enjoying getting ready in the morning quietly and with no one groping me the entire time (which although fun and hilarious, while trying to get out the door for work? Maybe not always), being able to do whatever I want to after work and on weekends and don't have to consult with anyone about it or arrange for child care, spending extra money on myself and not household or baby needs, etc.

Learning so many lessons about appreciating where I am in life at the present moments.

God has me at this job, living with my parents, waiting for my love...all for a reason.

Time to dig in and engage in everything happening around me instead of waiting for this magical time when my love will be here, we'll have our own place, some job thats not stressful and I love all at the same time! These things will all happen eventually, but I need to work on being happy where I am now. 

Gosh it's just so tough sometimes.

xoxo

HL

I'm Back!

I've been dying to write lately!!!!

So much has been on my heart and mind, I keep making mental notes Oh, I should write about this because I know it makes me feel better (and keeps you entertained apparently) but I've been so overwhelmed with work and getting a handle on another new schedule...where to fit in cooking and exercising...maintaining my long distance relationship...friendships...family...errands and appointments- it's never ending. Sadly, I don't think it's getting better any time soon, but I am working to get a better handle on things at work and am making time to take care of myself so I don't go completely crazy.

I feel like I've been on overdrive since graduating high school. Every semester of college was stressful and busy while I maintained school full time and worked part time...then the teaching program which was a nightmare...then the years of SUCK...then moving to Europe and adjusting to life there...now back and adjusting to another new career and way of life again. It's felt like constant upheaval with bouts of relief of travel sprinkled here and there.

I've recently begun to freak out a little.

Is this how its always going to be? Constantly running around stressing about a long long list of things to do that are all important. Work is like that all day and after work has always felt the same way. The routines I create are dashed within a few months and I have to start all over again. No wonder I'm burnt out on life and resort to alcoholism. I see these people doing fun things on the weekends all the time or if go ANYWHERE in socal in the middle of the day and its packed...don't you have jobs? How do you have time/energy to do all of this right now? By the time I have a chance to sit down- I'm exhausted everyday (even though I eat healthy and exercise!).

All of that to say I've realized my passion is writing but I don't have time for it. And when I say that I don't have time- I mean it (I'm yawning right now and its only 7:30pm). But since this IS my passion, and I've realized that it's something I'd rather be doing instead of my day job for realsies...I am going to try my DAMNEDEST to make it work- even if it means staying up late some nights. Because apparently thats what we do for things we are passionate about.

More to come.

xoxo

HL

Why Hello Ms. Migraine.

I am not one to get migraines. In fact, if we are being honest I hide my female friends on Facebook who are always posting about having them. Not that I doubt they get them, but why are you constantly posting on Facebook about it? So now other peoples migraines tend to annoy me? This is getting weird.

Anyway, today upon waking after plenty of sleep I felt awful. Maybe it was because I haven't exercised for 2 days, or maybe it was the GIANT lobster lunch I had yesterday (it was amazing though, really)...either way my entire body hurt and I just couldn't snap out of this weird sleepy out of it feeling. To make a long story short, by about 12:30 despite my best efforts it came and conquered. To the point that I had to leave work and almost threw up crying all the way home. AWFUL.

This made me realize the truth behind it all:

Damn girl, you really are too stressed out. You need to calm the hell down. 

I can't pin point exactly what has been causing me to have such a hard time relaxing. But work has been really stressful and there's no light at the end of the tunnel. In fact, after telling my boss last week I was overwhelmed and almost cried in her office...this week I was somehow volunteered to take on another HUGE project management task?! Now not only is it more work I don't have time for, but it's more of the project management stuff instead of PRODUCT management which is more what I want to be doing (and was told I would be doing). Instead, I just feel like the development teams administrative assistant bitch just updating their work items, making spread sheets, planning meetings, BLEH. Product management is more creating products, talking to clients about what they want and turning it into documents and projects. Instead I am still having the projects handed to me and the developers, then end up just doing the admin for them while they are being worked on. My "to do" list is always super long and everything on it is important. So yes, work has been frustrating. Plus, SUPER BUSY AND CRAZY...which isn't always typical but for some reason just has been lately. I'm not the only one. We're all stressed out there right now. Hoping things will calm down soon...but soon is still nowhere to be found.

Ok but besides work, everything is fine? Of course being in a long distance relationship isn't easy and sometimes ends up being more draining trying to catch up with each other despite our schedules and the time change...but he fills my life with so much joy I wouldn't trade it for anything. So I don't know whats wrong exactly besides what I yelled crying home in the car today:

I just feel like work sucks up ALL of me and then I have nothing left for myself, friends, family, or anything!!! WAHHHHH.

So I have been exercising and relaxing in the evenings and weekends to try and offset my busy week days. Attempting to eat healthy most of the time. Take my vitamins. Etc. Somedays are better then others.

And no, unfortunately I can't blame hormones.

But speaking of hormones...Today I went for my yearly gyno and got started on the process of getting my IUD! WOOHOO! Found out some pretty awesome (and some not awesome) things about it including 100% effective at preventing pregnancy, good for up to 5 years, as soon as its removed you are fertile again, and after a few weeks or months of spotting you get maybe 2 periods a year with it!!! Plus my insurance will pay for a lot of it, plus if bf splits it with me then thats the cheapest 5 year birth control I've ever heard of!

However. Tipped the scales at the doctors today. Back up to 200lbs. HOLY CRAP HOW DID THAT HAPPEN. Now a little of that can be bloating and the ridiculous lobster lunch yesterday...but not much.

SO this weekend has been dedicated to...wait for it...

COOKING.

Yeah I know. Not very fun. BUT I just printed the August low fat/weight watchers menu from Once A Month Mom and did all of my shopping and veggie cutting last night and it wasn't so bad. In fact, it was actually kind of nice to do something I enjoy (shopping and cooking) without being tired, crabby, and starving after work (bonus! everything for almost an entire month only cost $120 BOOM!). However, today is the big cooking day so we'll see how that goes. As weird as this sounds I feel like I am preparing to be a mom this weekend. I found their menu for a month of toddler friendly foods and bookmarked it for when my boys get here, then got SUPER excited about their healthy kid friendly options (little Mac n Cheese cups! Home made french toast sticks! Corn dog cups! Come on, how can that not be SO cute). And I have to say, boyfriend lets me tell him all about it and I think just continues to fall more in love with me as I've opened my entire heart to not just him- but his mini me too.

And the more I think about it, the more I know God has been preparing me for this. For this man and this little bear. The girl who loves children and finds "raising" them effortless and enjoyable. Who wanted to adopt a bunch of babies. Not every girl would be able to jump into something like this...especially with all of the baby mam drama (which has been non existant lately btw, as we wait for her to get subpoenaed). And I am NOT perfect and struggle sometimes with different aspects of my life I am going to be giving up...but especially after spending a week with those two in June- it really is going to just be wonderful. Different. But wonderful.

In fact, you should probably be following my New House pin board here. IT'S AWESOME and most everything on there I AM going to get, so its not as much an inspiration board as it is a book mark of purchases to make board (hehe).

More to come later after the epic cooking day...boyfriend has made some interesting future life career choices known to me which has left me struggling to say the least.

Enjoy your Sunday.

xoxo

HL

Make: Quick, Healthy, Cheap Meals. (you're welcome)

I suppose I've been consolidating these sources for awhile and haven't been sharing (how rude of me). But I have gathered quite the collection of quick, healthy, and cheap meals via our BFF- The Internet. So without further adieu...

A Year of Slow Cooking

• Whats that you say? You don't have a crock pot? GO TO TARGET NOW. NOW. NOW. Or craigslist. Whatever you do, get one asap because the >$20 investment will save you tons of moola in the end. 
• Por Ejemplo: place frozen chicken breasts in crock pot. Cover with 3/4 cup teriyaki sauce. Cook on low for 6 or high for 4. EAT. This is what Im saying. Sundays have become my slow cooker day and give me at least 4 servings which I can eat for dinner or lunch the next few days or freeze for much later (like soups. Try taco soup. You will die. And its literally opening cans and pouring them in)
• If you are really smart you can turn it on before bed and wake up with lunch for the next day! Or do it in the morning and come home to the house smelling of garlic chicken and all you have to do is EAT. 
• All fresh, tons of healthy recipes, if you add a whole grain and steam some veggies you even get a double dose of healthy. 

Once A Month Cooking

• Now I haven't tried this yet, besides making a big crock of vegan soup every once in awhile and freezing for nights when I don't have dinner (plus its cheaper and healthier then those low cal canned soups and $3/can), BUT I hear from valuable sources its time consuming for one weekend and then you're set for potentially even longer then a month depending on how much you eat. Wow right?
• they have meal plans for all kinds of diets that come out every season and have dishes according to whats in season, do all the grocery lists for you auto adjustable by #of people, give you a schedule for your day of cooking to really utilize your time, and it covers almost 100% of meals (not just dinners). PLUS the meal planning everything is FREE, and the ingredients aren't expensive or difficult. 
• they even have weight watchers plans, vegetarian, 10 day vegan, whole foods, and baby food. 
• I know. Lets do it NOW. 

Foil Pack Quick Meals

• I found out about these from Hungry Girl which is an all around amazing site, but these suckers you literally just put the ingredients into some tin foil, wrap them up, and cook. Out comes a complete, delicious, healthy meal in usually less then 30min! 
• Once again, if you want to add grains those are really quick and healthy to make even if you don't have a rice cooker
• There are lots on her website, just search "foil pack". One could even make 4 at a time and have meals for a few days...just saying. 

Emeals

• This is highly recommended by Dave Ramsey, friends of mine, and even my family! We've been doing it for a few weeks now and love it. 
• Pay $5/month for a month of weekly meal plans customizable by diet choice (includes low fat, vegetarian, no processed foods, low carb, etc.) for a week of dinners for 2-3 people at $50/week
• Every month also connects to whats in season, gives you a grocery list, and connects the meals so what you buy you use throughout the week on more then one meal. Meals take less then 30min to make and we've found to be really creative. 
• So lets see, if you're single and save the other half of the dinners for lunch, you do this and buy your snacks/breakfasts for under $20. Thats $70 or less per week on healthy groceries and meals!

Protein Shakes, tubs of plain yogurt, frozen fruit, almond milk...

I can't tout these breakfast life savers enough. Every morning I quickly blend my hemp protein with some unsweetened almond milk and half a banana or frozen fruit. Tubs of plain yogurt (soy in my case), the other half of the banana cut up in it, and a titch of agave I have around 10a. High protein and little to no carbs until dinner has greatly increased my energy at work too. Plus the hemp protein I use is $20/month...almond milk a few bucks...bananas $1/pound...and buying the tubs of yogurt instead of individual cups saves money too. I get away with about $1.50-$2.00 on my breakfasts/morning snacks this way! 

Frozen Chicken breasts, frozen organic veggies...

Whenever chickens on sale I buy a bit extra and just freeze it to use for another time. You can get a few meals worth of chicken for a couple of bucks. I try and keep some always on hand so a healthy meal is always an option instead of take out or easy but heavy spaghetti. Did you know frozen vegetables are often considered healthier then even buying local produce? Why? Because they are flash frozen right after being picked and retain more of their nutrients this way while the local produce had to be shipped and sit in the store. Whenever frozen organic vegetables are on sale I buy a few and when cooking grains in my cooker, just stick em right into the steamer on top. BOOM- DINNER.

Love for the BULK SECTION...
Find a local Sprouts/Henrys, co-op, or wherever in your area sells things in bulk because OH MAN does it shave off a lot of cost. Lets see, $3 for a tiny box of cous cous...or $3 for a HUGE bag of cous cous...lets do the math on that one. Also great for when you're baking and only need a little bit of something. I like to keep a big bag of brown rice and a cans of beans in my cupboards at all times just in case its toward the end of the pay period and I've somehow run out of food.

I am sure after boyfriend and baby cake come I'll have even more perspective since my time will be somehow even more limited. But for now these are all serving me rather well. Also keep an eye out for special "Ad" days, coupons, promotions, etc. Every little bit counts.  You're welcome.

xoxo

HL

A Home of Ones Own (Big News!)

Well some lovely things have occurred!! 

After not hearing from the potential room mates all week. And boyfriend beginning the paperwork for his extra off base pay he gets a month before he starts work January 10th, and again hinting, "well you could just live with meeeeeee". I finally made the decision I am sure you all knew was coming (but I didn't!!).

This winter, boyfriend and I have decided to live together. 


I KNOW.

I KNOW.

I KNOW.

But heres what happened. I thought through the backlog of reasons I had for not wanting to...and realized I was being kind of ridiculous. So in an effort to explain myself, here are the reasons I initially didn't want to and how I rebutted them in the end (yay adult self).

Reason 1: If we live together our parents won't approve and we don't want to be disrespectful.
Over the last few weeks oddly enough both of our parents have separately suggested we consider living together to save money, help with baby cake, and prepare financially for our future. Just now I told my parents and they were a little worried about how things were going to go with the recent baby mama drama which is understandable, but then my mother said "well, I would prefer if you didn't live together" just based on their old school values to which I replied, "yeah well I'm almost 28...not 20...and an adult so..."


Reason 2: My friends and family won't take it as seriously when we get engaged and married.
This one is funny since it just suddenly occurred to me that I take ALL of my friends weddings seriously and am SO EXCITED about them pledging their love for a lifetime together if they lived together for 2 weeks before or 2 years before...so this is a ridiculous reason. AND the only reason we're waiting to get married is that bf wants his two best friends there who are deployed until spring 2014 and we want to save money so we can have an awesome wedding. Perfectly valid reasons. Plus, if people want to be judgmental they dont have to come. People who really love you - aren't judgmental.


Reason 3: Boyfriend will already be adjusting to a new city, new job, having his son full time, and being back in America. I don't want to add another stressful element and risk ruining something between us. 
Now this one was very legit and my main reason for not wanting to live together before we were at least engaged (knowing I'd be engaged by the spring...so literally a few months after he gets here...hahaha). I told boyfriend this again recently and he really just laid it out for me. Made it so simple. Don't you think if anything it'd make it easier for me to adjust...having you to come home to?Already if I've had a bad day I call and talk to you about it and calm down...now you will get to actually BE THERE. And it'd make our lives less stressful because we'd be saving money, not having to go back and forth, and you'd always be around to help with baby bear" etc. 


He was right.


When I let myself actually think about living with him? SO EXCITED. And when I vetted "the worst that can happen"...oh darn we break up and I have to move out? It would be hard, but come on, I have an adult job and can do my own thing if I need to. I have found learning to think and live co-dependently with him has been much harder then when its just me. Difficult for me to let go of my "I'm a strong single woman!" security blanket.


The hardest part actually wasn't telling my parents who hear me talk to him for hours every night, see how happy I am everyday, hear about our wedding plans, and met him when he was here in January. Nope, the hardest part was telling the girls. My girls who have never met or even talked to him I know must worry. I get so anxious thinking about what they must think about my "crazy" decision...but know its just their perspective. And its a valid one. Just from a place of love. And that they want the best for me. Plus they don't really ever say it outright in their out loud voice, so I know they are trying. I know everyone will love him though. I am genuinely not worried about it at all. And it seems so normal to bf and I to just jump right into all the social things I already do with everyone...we forget how everyone else is going to feel having never met him or spent time with us together. In a nutshell, its as awesome as I am alone...10x more awesome somehow. We have SO MUCH fun.

So since we decided yesterday (don't know how I made it through work all day) I've been looking at places we'll be able to afford now with both of our incomes, how much we'll be able to save each month (OMG SO MUCH), and made a big list of all the things we already have and a list of things we need to for sure get before we move in, then a list of things we can get soon after but aren't imperative. TOLD YOU I was getting my life organized. Now that I've decided to "sacrifice" and live at home for a few more months the money I get to save I can put toward all the things we need...the trip we want to take...paying off debt...savings...OH MAN! PLUS the thought just occurred to me that if we move somewhere walking distance to a train station I can take public transit to work everyday and we could live with one car to save even more money.

SOME STUFF HAPPENED AND I BECAME AN ADULT.


But besides money. Of course we are all lovey dovey about everything too. Waking up with him everyday...eating dinner together...talking in person, instead of skype...even just getting to watch movies together and snuggle. We don't take anything for granted. Simple things like that are so special to us because we haven't really been able to do them much over the last year. Plus all of our plans for trips to Palm Springs, Vegas, Arizona to visit his brother, Europe, Belize, Brazil...we have a long list that's completely doable to us. Even with baby bear. I am so happy.

I feel like everything was so hard for so long with my mom being sick, not being able to find work, money stress, family deaths, frustrated with my relationships with men. Just so many things. I am SO HAPPY now but struggle to ignore the nagging "don't get used to this. Its going to suck again soon". I am finally beginning to let it go and realize...life doesn't have to be horrible...it can be ok and awesome...life can really truly be beautiful. Not going to lie, boyfriend has helped a lot. Not because I finally have a real one...but more because I know when the shit storm does come again I have the emotional and financial support just in case. Security. But again, accepting it after being "single independent woman!" for so long is happening slowly.

Gosh, I should probably start writing more again.

xoxo

HL

Inspired!

I have been inspired!

After reading from a few friends about Dave Ramesy's amazing budget and how its changed their life, de cluttering your stuff so you are more efficient and happy, and adding a dose of watching The Biggest Loser I am inspired. (I promise they are all somewhat connected)

This weekend I have another lovely bridal shower to go to and then am dedicating it to spending some time de cluttering my room, car...and maybe even attempting the pile of boxes in the garage. I am also starting Dave Ramsey's budget plan to save and pay off my debt (boyfriend is on board too!) so we can have a life together soon that isn't stressed over money. My incentive is our wedding...wanting a house...being able to someday stay home with our kids because we won't have piles of debt to pay each month. And just less stress in general.

Finally, I have gotten a handle on my diet and cooking these last few days and am on board with weight watchers so I will be using part of my next paycheck to buy...wait for it...real running shoes.

Then.

I might try and start walk/jogging.

I wont say run because then I'll freak myself out.

So here is to being an adult!!!!

(most likely this will be followed by a post about how I epically failed and spent the weekend watching Dawsons Creek and drinking excessively...but lets have a little hope)

xoxo

HL

Sweet Things.

Oh my how the summer has just flown by. I can't believe its already almost August and the summer ending sales have begun. I will be sad to see the summer months go, but always look forward to September and October when the tourists leave and our real locals-only summer begins. Plus I can't lie that autumn and the impending change in weather just reminds me I am only 4 months away from my love being here with me forever and that is more than enough to keep me thrilled.

Of course theres been drama, wouldn't be dating a man with a baby mama and not have drama to talk about. Most recently it would appear that she stole boyfriends identity to get a cell phone and didn't pay the bill so when he tried to apply for a credit card and got denied...he was hit was a $2000 bill he didn't even know about. So theres a warrant out for her arrest. Which means if she gets pulled over for anything she'll be pulled in, and if any job or place run a check on her it will come up. Either way when it comes time to go to court in the winter and get custody- we can now for sure count on a win. I say this all with a heavy heart because...who wants to have to go through this? Its been so stressful for both of us, tough to stick with our decision to file the police report, and of course we always worry about baby cake. We're now really wondering if she's on drugs because of the constant lying and stealing...and hate having to HOPE she gets pulled in so boyfriend can come home and we can rescue that little bug. His family have been really helpful checking in with the little guy and already plan on having him stay with them if needed, so at least theres that. But its just a lot to take in. And always a lot for me to sign up for. But we push on and continue to make sweet plans for our future together once they are here. We can't believe we're down to four months. It's been over a year since I met him and we first gallivanted in Bratislava together. So other than her drama, we're always ok and happy and in love and can't wait to really start our lives together.

Lately boyfriend and I have even had baby fever! Even though I am on the pill, when our condoms broke while in Mississippi (like 4 of them, really?!) we got a bit "worried". Mostly because of the obvious, he already has a very unplanned son who although is the light of his life, would rather not have happen again. Then when I didn't get my period of course we were a bit more worried. But oddly enough, we started to let ourselves actually think about it and then being afraid turned into, "actually, that'd be awesome!" He wants a big family and I think is more ready than I am for one, probably because hes already got the ball rolling with baby bear and I have to admit...that little buddy IS awesome and made both of us crave more cakes together. Finally I just took a test that eased my mind and we both felt such a mix of emotions. We were glad that this wasn't how we had to have a baby...him being gone, not married yet, havent been together that long, etc. But also kind of sad because we'd finally let ourselves get a little excited. I am getting an IUD before he gets back so no more issues with condoms breaking and stress about it until we're really ready...at least not until we're married in 2 years. But hes so hilarious about it all, "well I am from the south, if we like something we knock it up obviously!" hehehe. It didn't help that yesterday my aunt and uncle had their baby!!!!

Isn't he so perfect?!?! A miracle I tell you! Obviously I sang him songs. I dont know why my face looks like I just woke up in the picture...oh yeah I do, because I drank 5+ gin and tonics the day before in the pool- win. 

After two horrible traumatic pregnancies before this one, all of us were holding our breath until he was out and ok and perfect. Everyone got a bit emotional. Hes already so sweet, doesn't even cry when hes hungry. He woke up toward the end so we got to see his big grey eyes and move around his little lips looking for dinner. Obviously this did not help said baby fever. 

But I am not ready- I want to do my career and travel more, enjoy my time with boyfriend before our lives change forever. So we'll put baby fever to rest for now and pick back up in 2 years after theres a ring on it...and my work will cover maternity leave. 

In other news, I went to look at a room in a house in my favorite part of north county yesterday! Two other professional people my age in a cute 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom granny flat type of thing. My room would be a little odd with almost all windows and no real closet...but its a BIG place, everything is fully furnished by them in the shared spaces, none of the rooms connect to each other so theres a lot of privacy, and theres a huge backyard with legit fruit trees and a BBQ area. Bella would even have a little doggie buddy and doggie door so she could just frolic and play. Really great opportunity- I hope they liked me. Only caveat is that I know they interviewed like 8 people the day of...so who knows what other awesome people there were. So we'll see. For now I am just saving money and not stressing about it, if it works out it works out, if not then I'll just save and keep paying off debt until I find another good fit. Sometimes living with boyfriend when he gets back is SO appealing. And he really really wants me to. And MY PARENTS and HIS PARENTS even suggested we do it to save money! OUR conservative parents!! Ridiculous. I am just genuinely worried with his adjustment to his old job, being back in America and a new city, having baby full time, AND THEN adding a live in girl friend suddenly? Just seems like recipe for "how to end a perfectly good relationship in 1 easy step". But then he brought up the point last night, "but babe, don't you think it would help me to have you around supporting me? Helping me with getting things together? Helping me with little buddy? I dont see how anything bad could happen!". We'll see what happens. If I get this place I'm taking it, if not and I dont find anything else by then I might reconsider once he puts a ring on it. 

And so we conclude. More updates to come on if I get the place and what happens with cray.

Until then,

xoxo

HL

Make: Beverages

After gaining 10lbs over the last year or so and being in the process of getting back on track, I am continuing to really try and pump the water everyday to flush out toxins, keep me hydrated, healthy, etc. I will say that when I initially cut out diet coke, coffee, and pretty much anything else besides water and green tea I did lose a little extra water weight and had more energy! Now I think its been a few years and I've evened out, but other then a random diet coke now and then I've been on this water and green tea kick for quite awhile. But lets face it, water gets SO boring and I start to lose it by 3pm everyday at the office nowadays. I was literally falling asleep at my desk today. SO Heres some of my current favorite summer water fresheners! Enjoy.

Hope your summers been as sweet as mine.

xoxo

HL

A Full Life.

While I lived abroad I sensed I missed my life back here in socal...but couldn't really remember what filled all of my time besides evenings making dinner and watching TV with Annie. Which, although fun from time to time, couldn't have possibly warranted me missing home so very much. But I just knew getting drunk and dancing with acquaintances every weekend wasn't enough. FUN?! YES. But real? Sadly, No. 

I suppose I eased back into it all being unemployed and poor which kept me from doing as many things as I'd like, but now I feel like I've just hit the ground running- my life is so full! After work dinners, movies, happy hours with friends or co-workers...free jazz in the park on Fridays...all of these weddings and pre-wedding activities fill my weekends, BBQs, movies in the park nights, family stuff, birthdays...so much! I haven't been taking nearly enough pictures to capture my sweet spring and summer back home, but spending time with everyone doing everything I've missed has been so wonderful. This is what I missed.

I finally crashed after this weekend and felt so overwhelmed by all of the laundry, cooking, errands, and cleaning I hadn't had time to do in over a week. Work has been busy and stressful with my bosses taking turns being out of town, BUT next week should be less hectic. I've planned less social things in the evenings and now that work is getting busier I need to be realistic about my energy levels after work and during weekends. Relaxing at home talking on the phone or skyping with boyfriend I'm finding I need to set aside time for otherwise I end up missing our talking time and get fussy by the end of the week. Doesn't help when our schedules are opposite for most of the rest of the month either :( I just can't wait until he is here. My life is so full and wonderful now, once he is actually HERE I can't even imagine how much more amazing everything is going to be! We have so much fun together. It's going to be so sweet to be able to take him with me to friend and family things- we're just thrilled.

Next Sunday I go interview a new potential house to live in! I found two young people my age looking to rent out a room in a house a few blocks from the Encinitas 101 area I'm dying to live near. It's right in my price range and the girl has a little dog who can be Bellas boyfriend too! They both seem very nice, normal, social, and fun people so I am hoping there isn't much competition and I can move in September 1st. Perks include an ocean view, big backyard with a BBQ, its all already furnished and has a tv and such so I don't have to buy anything else until boyfriend and I get married, the room is bigger than I've had in a few years, the guy works at a wine bar down the street, and the girl works at the little private airport! How fun are they?!

Make: Summer Salad

Let me begin with a YOU'RE WELCOME for the following aHmazing recipe for your summer repertoire. Its freakishly healthy, fresh, filling, easy, and cheap. So much so- I'll admit I was a little shocked at how tasty it is too!

Without further adieu: 

Mango Quinoa Salad

Ingredients

• 1 cup cooked quinoa
• 1 mango
• 1 tomato
• 2 ears of corn
• 1 cucumber
• 1 avocado
• 1 can of black beans rinsed
• 3 Tb. finely chopped chives
• 2 Tb. fresh lemon juice (real lemons! do it!)
• Salt to taste

Directions 
1. Cook quinoa according to directions (or in rice cooker BOOM!).
2. Chop everything then mix together.
3. DIE OF AMAZINGNESS.

Considerations
I originally got the recipe here, but added the avocado and beans to make it a complete meal.  I also doubled everything so I could have it for lunches this week. If storing, I would put the "watery" vegetables and fruit into separate bags or tupperware and add to the mix right before eating so it doesn't make everything else soggy (cucumber, mango, tomato). I would also recommend making this the day you buy all of the ingredients and trying to get them as local as possible for freshness- this is FULL of flavor! Also, I may have a new obsession with quinoa, but see why from the all knowing wikipedia:

In contemporary times, this crop has become highly appreciated for its nutritional value, as its protein content is very high (18%). Nutritional evaluations of quinoa indicate that it is a source of complete protein.^[14][15]Furthermore, it is a good source of dietary fiber and phosphorus and is high in magnesium and iron. Quinoa also provides a significant source of calcium, and thus is useful for vegans and those who are lactose intolerant.^[16][17] Quinoa is gluten-free and considered easy to digest.

Mrs. Needy Pants.

As I've mentioned before, coming back home after my sweet time with Mr. Boyfriend has been tough. It's been almost a month and I still find myself tearing up in the car on the way home from something he should have been at with me. Or at these countless summer weddings I find myself at. Even couples being affectionate with each other tightens this growing knot in my chest. It wasn't this bad before I saw him and we had such a perfect time together. It was 8 unbelievable days of, "we get to do this for the rest of our lives?!" And then back to the reality of his internet not working...or the phones being down...now the mail isn't working...I have to wait for him to call and if I miss it then thats it- because I can't call him back. We make it work and talk everyday unless something odd happens and we're both busy. But it never feels like enough. We'll fall asleep talking and wake up missing each other already. It's hard to explain. But it hurts. And 5 more months feels like years. I just want this part to be over. I guess being on the downhill has its disadvantages- seeing the finish line make it feel farther.

Tuesday night was rough. Due to our busy schedules (and the catch 22 of me trying to stay busy so I don't get sad, but then end up missing evenings usually spent talking to him) Tuesday evening rolled around and we hadn't gotten to talk for more then ten minutes here and there since Sunday. I was getting happy hour and then going out with friends when he calls. We were both drunk and SO EXCITED to talk even just for a few minutes until he tells me what he spent his day doing. I am missing him ALL DAY and usually we talk on the phone or chat at work but I hadn't heard from him. Then he tells me he spent the day watching "our show" with another female friend of his and drinking Slovak beer with her. I lost it. Not in a jealous way because I know they are totally just friends, but just in a why is that not me right now?! I HATE THIS- way. I outright told him I was jealous but was glad he was hanging out with someone since he doesn't really get along with anyone else there after his friend had to leave. THEN the next night he spent talking to her at a party they were hosting all night too. I know they're just friends but I told him this wasn't going a good direction. "Girls are crazy babe, even if you keep talking about your awesome girlfriend, don't flirt, and think you're just chillin it's not like that. She's going to think you're into her in a few weeks if you keep hanging out like this. I guarantee it." Come on- you know I'm right.

I chose not to stress about this. I know he loves me and doesn't think of her like that. It still has bothered me but I pretended like it didn't.

It took one day.

One day and I get:

"Hey baby, I've been thinking....and I am going to limit how much time I spend with this girl so she doesn't get the wrong idea. Because I love you don't want to mess this up. Ok?"

I was in Target at the time. I had to stop walking and teared up.

What did I do to deserve this man again? Who knows all of my needs without me having to say a word? Who loves me SO MUCH he is in a foreign country and still won't take risks. Who calls me when he gets home from going out so I know he's not with some girl. How am I this lucky again?

xoxo

HL