Despite.

Ok, so I am sad.
Not crying-staying in bed all day status.
Just a deep broken hearted sad.
And its ok and Ill be fine.
I just have to feel it.

Also, sinus infection 2010 has also taken my body hostage and I can barely function at this point. I have so many fun things I need to do to get ready to move and just small things around my room that need to be done...but I can barely be out of the laying down position without wishing I was dead- so here we are. I lay and stare into space listing my moving and decorating plans dozing on and off and dreading having to work the rest of the week. Arg.

Plus, my employers are apparently CRAZY and I may have to find another job asap. I mean...totally nuts. Basically when I took the job I was told I could watch TV here and there with or without the baby and that I could take the baby out for little errands during the day just to get out of the house. After I actually started they vetoed the going ou due to his "nap schedule" so me and babycakes have been going stir crazy. Plus, the dad came home early 2 days in a row and I had Oprah on in the background while I was cleaning the kitchen and baby was reading a book in his high chair after we ate dinner. Literally, I NEVER have the TV on...I was just going nuts from being home alone all fucking day and looked forward to Oprah just to hear someone TALK TO ME. Then I get a "we dont want the TV on at all while hes awake" mini lecture from him Monday morning. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Are we seriously having this conversation?! The baby has "watched" one of those baby Mozart videos ONCE in the last 3 weeks and I have had Oprah on twice the ENTIRE time I've even worked there. AND I WAS TOLD IT WAS OK TO BEGIN WITH YA PSYCHO. So after that little shenanigan I pulled the somewhat more sane mother aside and explained to her that I hardly ever watch TV, let alone have the baby watch TV. Plus, she said it was ok to begin with so I was confused. She agreed. Rolled her eyes behind her husbands back. And I addressed the keeping me and baby home all day debacle- and how we're going nuts. Suggested small outings once a day we could take around the area, and was honost about the fact that he's under stimulated.

Her husband needs some time to process letting us go out and they'll get back to me.

But they have no problem having me take him to do their grocery shopping and taking their dry cleaning every week with him.
PSYCHOS.

Ok...deep breaths...

BUT.
Despite The Suck.
We have things to be excited about.

<3 I am happily awaiting The Kindle I got from my parents for my birthday! I am such a reader, and I cant wait to take a trip with it.

<3 I am planning a visit to Kelsey in her new home in Seattle mid November. Not only do I get to visit Kelsey pants, but probably Olivia and her baby too, AND I get to be in a new fun city that countless people have told me I will LOVE. Plus, I am using my miles so its free suckas!

<3 Someone is ordering a new BEAUTIFUL comforter set that looks like you want to get married in it for her new room annnnd new furniture on Thursday. Someone is growing up.

<3 I am seriously thinking of attending a young women's retreat mid November...it's just one Friday evening and Saturday morning and it's at my local church, so no sleeping anywhere. It doesn't sound weird and conservative, it just sounds like a weekend of encouragement for young women telling us we ARE "good enough" in regards to everything we doubt ourselves in. I have never done one of these and am not super involved in the church, but it sounded like the perfect kind of encouragement I could use right now. It might clash with Kelsey time though, so we shall see.

<3 I am applying for teaching jobs for next year AND new admin jobs until then because as you read above...my current job is RIDICULOUS. Dad might have a hook up in Toronto, Canada for teaching and apparently they make awesome money and get treated really well up there. And by applying for jobs, I of course mean bookmarking them online and telling myself "I'll do it later" because of my busy life. Well, I did apply and not hear from one already I guess.

I am taking every night this week to try and get better and to try and pack and take more things over to my new place. Already did a few boxes today! But then almost died. Soooooo we're going to try and take it easy from now on...

lovelove.