The Hickey(s).

Ridiculous. Vampire?




The attempts at a coverup. Thank God the weird Mid October heat wave ended today.




And there it is.
In all its glory.
My first and only array of hickeys.
I feel like Im either 17 or a REALLY skanky version of myself.

So the evening went like this...
Met at a bar...got a drink...went for sushi and sake...went back to his place to watch a movie and drink wine. It was actually probably the best "date" I've ever been on because I was so relaxed and we get along really well. Good conversation, lots of laughing, just nice and chill. He even asked me about Halloween and invited me to go with him to his friends party on Saturday. So I was pretty stoked.

Then I made the mistake of going to his house to "watch a movie". I guess I just figured we'd snuggle and make out and it wouldn't be a big deal. But of course after he kissed me he took me back into his room and I was too sleepy mixed with the drinks to say no and think through what was happening. So we were just making out, both declared we DID NOT want to have sex, and then he started trying stuff...you know...hands down the pants, up the dress...all up in my grill. And then when I kept stopping him he would get all weird about it and kind of laughed at me. In fact, he did laugh at me and said I was kind of "geeky". That's when I started to get angry. Now, I like to have fun just as much as the next girl but I am also one of those girls who doesn't like to go too far without a few dates under our belt. It doesn't have to mean we're on our way to a fancy relationship, (even though that is what I want), but it does mean I'd like to get to know you a little more before I get all naked and intimate with you even if we don't have sex. Call me crazy, but I like being comfortable.

When he was being weird, I even said, "your just not used to nice girls are you. You've been bringing home the skanky ones"...and I kept trying to tell him "just not on the first date" and then he gave me the weird speech...
"I didnt give you the wrong impression about us hanging out tonight, right? I mean, I just want to have fun. Im really not looking for anything serious. Sorry if that hurts your feelings"

By then I was already angry for being made to feel embarrassed about not wanting to get all crazy on the first date and then I get the "I just want to fool around and not actually date you-your cool with that right?" speech which I am SO OVER after a year of Number 2 bullshit. He kind of picked the worst girl ever to give that speech to. Which I even told him.

So then I just decided, fuck it, and to have fun and relax because someone hasn't had more then just a little make out in MONTHS and so YES we did fool around but NO we did not have sex of any kind. He was really snuggly too which was nice and we did have a good time.

Until I woke up looking like a choke victim with cum on my face.
(again, no sex of any kind...but sometimes things go flying ya know?)

So today I have mixed emotions...pissed about my hickeys and for being made to feel weird about not being a whore on the first date (SO over boys pulling that shit) and getting the "I dont want anything serious" talk. But also stoked that I had a nice time with someone and got a little action. But then sad because I really missed Number 2 and our amazing I-cant-keep-my-hands-off-you-I-love-you connection.

Needless to say, I don't think I was ready for this.
I dont think I have my confidence back enough to have stood up to him and told him to fuck off when he was being a dick. Well, clearly I don't because I didn't.

And now I am crying because I am still sad about Number 2 and still haven't dealt with it.

Melissa and I just OFFICIALLY declared no more dating for 3 more months.
I like this plan.

I need to work on my escape to NYC anyway.