Sunday, January 30, 2011

Going the Distance.

There aren't a lot of legit movie choices in Germany for rental. More than I thought there would be, but our options were limited to either bad B level action films or Going the Distance. Which I wanted to see anyway, but just as a nice happy throw away film on a weekday night at home with a bottle of wine and some school prep going on simultaneously. Anyway, I watched this with Rachel and her boyfriend and I must say I laughed a lot...and was then smacked again with the reality of how tough the next 5 months are going to be for me and PAG. Oddly, I am in the exact same situation as Drew in the movie (except a mere 3 hour time change and 5 hour plane ride has NOTHING on a 9 hour time change and 12 hour plane ride...just saying). I have this amazing job opportunity here that and I LOVE that would continue in the coming years, I would get to live abroad and would even get a chance at my dream career as an art teacher at the school. Its not so easy to just walk away from that.

I guess its a little different though since all of my friends and family and culture are back with PAG too...but still. Giving up a career and "dreams" for someone isn't exactly easy. Literally, this eternal question of whether to stay another year or to come home in July constantly wears on me. PAG has specifically told me he doesn't want me to come home just for him, and just like in the stupid movie, he doesn't ever want me to be unhappy at home and resent him after awhile.

But I have to say that being with Rachel has made me miss my real home quite a bit more. I am excited to go back to Bratislava-which I just called 'home' in my head which is weird- to go back to work, get my warmer clothes (SO not prepared for the cold front here in Munich)...etc. But I see her with her boyfriend and miss mine. And I feel so at home around her and dread going back to being surrounded by people who will just never know me like my girls do. Who I have nothing but work in common with.

I forgot that feeling. Where your heart is at home. 

Something in my heart keeps telling me to just wait. That soon I will miss home so much on top of missing PAG that the choice will be obvious.

But what if it isn't?

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