Torn.

The longer I stay here, the more I never want to leave.

I am just buzzing around my job, the city, and with my new semi friends and loving it. Especially my job...I just love every moment of everyday. I have basic themes and lesson ideas to follow, but can totally do my own thing and its just...everything I've ever wanted. Plus, with the new management thats coming in - there are serious and really amazing changes happening to the school. Areas where I was iffy about in the beginning in regards to the school, are being changed dramatically for the better. I just heard yesterday that I am probably going to get to take on their after school arts program! Either visual or dramatic arts or both. I mean really...I'm living abroad in this fantastic city teaching at an up and coming British school with the cutest kids EVER. I am just so happy all day!!!

Well of course a part of me misses my family, the sunshine, friends, burritos, English, etc...but I just keep remembering how unhappy I was there. How there are NO jobs. How much my family drives me crazy when I live with them. How most of my friends don't even really live there anymore anyway. How boring everywhere besides downtown is.

But mostly I just miss my PAG. I can deal with missing the other things, especially when I get to come home for so long over Christmas and summer. But missing him is like this constant dull ache in my chest. When I hang up after talking to him for 2 hours I get all teary and upset and just lay in my bed and mope. I just don't know how to balance my life. Do I stay and work this amazing job and live abroad for another year? Or go home to my lover but have to live at home and attempt the job market again?

I don't need to make a decision until April so I have time. But its just really hard.

Where is Natalie Imbruglia when I need her to sing back up?

In my heart, love always wins out, but in reality after the butterflies fade away will I be unhappy back at home possibly just working at Starbucks?

Oh man, my life.