Saturday, January 15, 2011

PAG Update.

PAG and I have written 3-4x since I've been here this week. His messages are so sweet and I can tell he is trying even though he is kind of clueless as to what to write and how to respond to having me so far away. I think he is also sending me a package since he asked for my address and then later what kind of coffee I like from Starbucks! He says he misses me and that we will stay in contact over everything we have available to us while I am away. This gives me hope. Because after what happened right before I left...I am so afraid he is going to get tired of the long distance thing or just tired of how much it hurts to miss me, and stop wanting to try.

However...I suppose I will know then that he is in fact not the "one" for me. Ok, but I'm just putting this out there...what 25 and 30 year olds would put so much effort into a long distance relationship after only knowing each other for a few weeks unless they both thought it was something real. If anything, my being here has flared up my feelings for him even more. As my friendships here are seriously lacking and I am realizing how precious the ones I have with my girls speckled around the globe are, I am also realizing how precious and amazing it is that I have found someone I connect so deeply with, am so attracted to, and want to spend every possible moment with. And from everything he says and does, I can tell he feels the same way. In fact, he's pretty much said that exact thing out loud before I left- How amazing it is that he found me and how awful it is that I am moving away. That he doesn't meet girls like me. That he's never felt this way about a girl before. And again, its not about sex, I can actually trust what he is saying to me (which is a serious first).

So needless to say, I have only been here a week and although I am loving it...I already miss my heart more than I can say. I got too used to being loved by him all the time. Too used to attempting to sleep all wrapped up in his arms. Too used to the kisses and cuddles he would pour on me that I was so unaccustomed to.

What can I say? Absence really does make the heart grow fonder. 

No comments: