Monday, November 22, 2010


Bratislava, Slovakia.

Well, you may have noticed a lack of actual real posts recently as I have been relying on my eye for beautiful inspiring things to fill you while I attempt to deal with being depressed, overwhelmed, stressed, and frustrated with the going on's in my life. Sometimes writing serves as a means to just wallow MORE in my anguish, so I decided to try and not continue to just post "ugh, I hate life" updates as often and try to use this as a positive means of putting together things I find lovely.

All of a sudden yesterday and today I am feeling a lot better then I was before. I think it could be that I've started a new pill pack (woot!) and my hormones should be back to regular now. Could also be the relaxing weekend with friends, family, pie, and Harry Potter. OR it could be that I finally prayed and prayed about trusting God's plan for my life and to stop STRESSING about everything. I get so anxious it consumes my mind and makes me depressed. I try and fight it with everything I can, but it just takes over. So I've been doing everything I know to do to dig myself out of feeling icky, plus praying and journaling about it, and of course continuing to look and apply for jobs.

It's as if today I can physically FEEL lighter. The rainy cloud that was following me around evaporated and I am back to myself. No, I am NOT bipolar. But I do think the seratonin in my brain gets messed up according to stress and hormones. AKA I'm still a crazy person. But, it's life. It's my life. It's the brain and body I was given. Just have to deal with it.

Heard from the job as a school office front desk position. They went with another applicant. I know I was extremely overqualified, and they wanted someone to stick around awhile. That's all I can think of. But I have been submitted for 2 other nanny positions through my agency that are high paying, older and more my style kids, and have great hours. Something has to work out. Right?

I have also kind of already been offered a job at a school in SLOVAKIA. Teaching in English at an elementary school. It's not even teaching English, its just a normal elementary school IN ENGLISH. Maybe I should just go there. It's kind of an amazing opportunity. I emailed my friend with the hook up about it already. I just want to make sure its not in the middle of nowhere (I NEED an H&M at least), I won't be dirt poor, and it's legit. I would be close to my girl friends already working in other parts of Europe. I it?

But all I keep thinking is, WHAT ABOUT BELLA?!

Ugh. The quest to figure out where my life is headed continues.

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