Relief.

"STOP SQUEEZING ME AND GO LIVE YOUR LIFE!!!"-Bella



Well, the rents decided not to sell the house.

The house already has all of our personal momentos packed up, so thats going to be quite the job for them.

Mom got a fancy new job so they don't have to sell now.

The sense of annoyance over feeling so upset about everything and now not having to in the end- mixed with happiness because my sense of security is back- was and is weird.

To be honest, it just made Slovakia more appealing. Now I have a place to leave my stuff without having to pay for storage somewhere. And I can...sniff sniff...leave Bella there and she will be more then fine. She loves it there, it is her real home. I asked Cha Cha how long malteses typically live for and she said 15-17 years. Bella is only 9 years old. So I think I have time to go for 1-3 years and she will still be here.

Is there something wrong with me? I know I will miss my mom and friends a lot. Also the rest of my family here (even dad and brother)...but mostly I am just scared of missing Bella. I guess we have been together almost 24/7 for the last 9 years of my life. She sleeps with me. I miss her when I am gone. I have missed her when I have travelled long term...but I guess if I think about it, I was also having the time of my life and knew she was happy and safe at home and would be there when I got back. I think it is a little comparable to leaving your child. Plus, I get lonely if I am home and no one is around. She is my someone.

PS Currently making her sit on my lap as I am all teary and she is NOT amused. She just insists on sitting on her blanket on her side of my bed at ALL TIMES.

I dont know how I am going to pay rent after December. I have zero desire to move back home. ZERO. If I stay here I have very few job prospects...the high profile nanny job is the only job I actually WANT. If I go to Slovakia (OMG) I could just tutor and nanny very part time for my current family until I leave, but I wouldn't be able to pay my rent and stay at my wonderful apartment. I dont need to save a lot before I go so thats not an issue. Ugh. Decisions Decisions.

I am submitting my resume to the HR rep there. She wanted my friend to ask if I could come as early as next week, haha, she said probably not...haha. They have an after school arts and drama program I could help lead too. RIGHT?! Ugh.

25 is so damn complicated.