Thursday, December 30, 2010


So...we aren't technically having sex. Which of course is kind of ok with me since Im not sure if I totally love him yet...we havent said it. Plus, I havent officially gotten a title yet- which after douce bag Number 2, I realize for me its now a serious requirement before anyone gets a piece of this. Thats not to say he doesn't consider me his girl friend, I just havent asked (If you haven't noticed, theres a lot going on. And I think I might be a little scarred from Number 2 and am afraid to even ask).

But. I mean. If you've already done EVERYTHING else. Is there really even a difference?

I remember when I lost my V card right around this time last year (Novemer 15 to be exact) I was SORELY disappointed that after all of that hoopla my entire upbringing surrounding sex that was IT. I mean, really all it is is SUPER DUPER fun. Thats about it. I didn't suddenly feel super attached to Number 2 more than I already felt before, in fact I was pretty sad afterwards that that was all it was. I was VERY disappointed. So much psychological damage for THAT? A few of my friends said they felt the same way afterwards too. However, I dont know how I would feel afterwards if it was with someone sleazy I didn't feel anything for. Therefore I try to keep it special and follow my two requirements: Love & Commitment.

However, back to the original question. If we've already done everything else and have been pretty damn intimate with each other, will sex really be that much more?

I'd like to venture a simple NO. No it will NOT be that much different.

And to be honest, Id really like to sleep with him before I leave for 6 months. Because I really do care about him that much.

ie: I may be a walking contradiction

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