Tuesday, December 21, 2010

How To Be Alone


"I was scared to be alone. Now Im afraid thats how I like to be"- Azure Ray


Micah, referring to my 5 days in LA by myself: Didn't you get lonely?

Me: uh...no?

Apparently something has happened.

I was SO afraid of being alone when things ended with all of my gentleman suitors and I took this dating sabbatical. I didn't even like being alone at my apartment all of the time. I tried to fill my schedule with fun things with friends so I wouldn't have to sit and be that sad lonely girl I knew was burrowed inside me.

But now suddenly, I am fine being alone. I just spent 5 days in LA in a huge house with 2 dogs.
A dog lady.
I am a 25 year old dog lady.
And...it was awesome?

I took myself to museums galore, read tons of books, watched Law and Order CI until I puked, cooked and baked, went for walks, drove around listening to Katy Perry "Cause baby your a firework!" and looked at Christmas lights on giant houses, went shopping...oh, and I brought the vibe and was alone for 5 days so that made entertaining myself pretty easy too.

So now of course Im freaking out, pretty much AM the Azure Ray song. Totally afraid that I LIKE being alone and am turning into a hermit or that Im going to start pushing men away and go all "independent woman" on their asses.

How do you balance the confidence of "I am fine alone" with the "But I do want a relationship".

Well...I guess just like that.

Everything reminded me of this beautiful video/poem, "How To Be Alone". Enjoy.

2 comments:

micah said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
micah said...

Two things:

1. That's my favorite Azure Ray quote, go figure :)
well, a close second to "hold on love, even when it hurts so bad, even when I swear I don't love you."

2. I love that video soooo much!

And please don't be afraid of being the "dog lady," This is not what's happening! You are becoming more in-like with yourself!